Blog stupid...

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Every once in a while it's a good idea to get your head out of your butt.

Look around and see what's going on in the world maybe?

I just did.

Yikes.


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Help. I'm in danger of killing this blog due to much introspection.


Ironic isn't it. It actually put me to sleep and I wrote it.

Three blog posts ago I was commenting about how writing was supposed to entertain.


Could I be this boring?


I think it's lack of sex.

Alot of lack of sex.

10 years a lack of sex.

This is now unhealthy and I'm in danger of growing an old, musty vagina.

What if it shrivels up due to lack of use.

I had an excellent first time. It was fantastic. But what if I really have been "re-virginated" due to lack of use. I was young. I could put my legs over my head. Lack of sleep wasn't an issue. What if this is some karmic payback for having a great time. Maybe I was supposed to have had a lousy first time and this is like a sexual "Jonah and the Whale" experience where God is saying, "Oh no you don't Missy. You're going to have that horrific "first time" like we planned for you. Non of that "whoop, whoop, yee haw" that you had before."



Not a good thing.

To make it worse, I watched a movie about being old this afternoon. In between "boohooing" it occured that I'm also really not sure about growing old. Do you have sex when you're old? I'm not sure I want to know this. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine. Fantasy. About sex. Say when I'm in my 60's and it scared me. I now know why old guys marry young women.

(and now I'm distracted by the idea)

I'm sorry but this isn't a good thing.

It's like imagining your grandma and grandpa having sex.

I have had sex on the back of a car. I danced naked in the middle of the road afterwards. I did have my tennis shoes and socks on but every thing else was "nekkid". It was raining. I remember looking up at the sky. Dark. The rain is coming down.

It was fantastic.


I had sex all weekend long.
I had sex in every room in the house and the back yard during daylight.


What happens now?

I don't want to go out with someone younger. It's not the same as for a guy. I don't think that guys worry about sagging things. They just seem to be in some kind of delutional happy place where they're sex gods. It's Viagra's fault. Have you ever seen a Viagra erection? I did once. I was scared to get anywhere near it because it looked like it might break off. God, I'm sorry but it scared the hell out of me.

I was celibate as a kind of protest against my situation but what happens if that was it. That brief moment of sexual abandon gone? Oh heck no.

I don't drink. To have sex again? I'll have to get so drunk that I'm about to pass out. No, it's not like riding a bicycle. My bicycle doesn't care if I can put my legs over some guy's shoulders. It doesn't care what my post pregnancy boobs look like. I don't want to be seduced. I don't want to be raped. I don't want to be drunk. Is there anyone on this planet who could even begin to be understanding of this. I know for a fact I can have sex with my clothes on but who the heck would want to.

Unless it were in an elevator.




What if it's not my writing that's boring. What if it's my life that's boring?

Ah f8ck.


I don't want to grow old like this.

I'm sorry but being celibate s*cks.

If this is the future? How did I get here and how do I get out?



Not a Mid-life crisis.

Sept 2,2010



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I don't even know what kind of music to put with this post.


Lemmie think on it.

Okay


Mr. Music Please...





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