Wow what a great two days. We  had great weather (not hot nor cold).  Had help from WB and Pup. Today was one of those days when you look back and can actually see done what you set out to do. Even a neighbor complimented us for the good job. Still lots to do but I'm hoping to work hard for the next week. Then I can begin working to get the dogs and chickens settled. I'm hearing that we might have rain. In case it's rainy I'll start working inside the house. Movies, clean closets, and spring clean kitchen. Personally, I'm hoping for sunny weather until next Sunday. I can make up for the time spent working on the lake.

Already done list

learn to use chain saw

Cut small trees along fence lines
Use trees and limbs to fill wash
clear vines from trees
clear the two vine covered bushes
remove bushes that were covered with vines
remove barbed wire from fences
remove old fence posts
cut down cedar tree next to pecan
cut volunteer tree next to pecan
clear trees around pecans next to kennels
move vines and trees to make room for truck
talk to WB about budget
finish work parties at lake
sort church
sort parents
make list of things to do for next 3 months
take volunteer class
suss out other volunteer activity
get fabric for church project

I'm sure that there's other things that I've missed but the next three months are mapped out. Outside work, inside work, ready for painter, get painter and carpenter, move chickens, set up green house, clear the front fence lines, get dogs sorted for the year...

There's more but this is enough to think of. The idea is to phase in schedule for tai chi, gym, fencing, and sailing. Lol makes me tired to list it so I'll just list what's been done.

Fantastic two days. Got 99% of work done and got to do the volunteer work too. There's a party at the middle of the month. Time to give pups their <3 and="" br="" clip="" meds="" shots="" toenails.=""> I've pretty much concluded that my horoscope is a bust but hard work here at the farm, on the boat, or out at the lake isn't.

You should see the view.

 

I like to see the progress. The antidote to the nonsence that my parents of pushing.

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I want to remember. Friday Feb 4, 2011.   From what mom said Thursday? Dad went into the hospital Jan 15th. I remember asking why they didn't call me when he first went into the hospital.  She said it was because they didn't want to worry me.  I tell here I could help. I have a background that might (and did) help. She spits out that I'd be of no use. Then Thursday she says again that he went into the hospital on the 15 of January. I tell here that they didn't contact me until the end of January. To be accurate?  Feb 4th, 2011.

My father is saying that UAB didn't keep him alive.  My father's doctor is talking to my sister in law. My mother is keeping him home with home health care. She's not taking him to the senior center. Now he's second guessing the people that kept him alive in favor of people that nearly put him in the ground.
I am very worried about my dad. Mom told him that she was by his side all of the time. She wasn't when he was unconscious. Then she  only went to see him once a day. The other time she was staying at my brother's house.  I know because I went to see him the rest of the time. She only started going there after she found out I was stay the rest of the time.

I'm worried for daddy. Very, very worried. I'm just not sure what to do.

.

Oh yah.  Time to work on the west fence and the woods edge. Might even cut through for path for nest kennel site. Got a lot done today. Still have to make sure there's no barbed wire on the west fence path but I think that it can be done.


Hope list for March, April, May?

No real order Just wake up, look out the window and pick something to do. Best priority is weather and what help that I have to do things.

learn to clean chain saw
get new chain for chain saw
take limb and sweep east, north, and west paths
cut trees sort out pole barn site

Pull up barbed wire on and along west fence.
Cut trees etal along west fence
Move trees to wash, to prevent wash, etc
Cut trees along wood edge
Remove vines and undergrowth
Cut path from east to west  fence lines
Cut path from new kennel area to the grass yard
Make moveable for walking across wash
Cut trees move vines on the house side of the east fence
Set up new chicken yard to clear grass
set up green house

clean around pecan trees
clean south fence line
fix kennels
set up new kennels
Dogs get shots and visits

organize yard
cut bushes for painter
estimates for painting house
make new chicken houses
put doors on chicken house
polebarn
storage building behind house
storage building at new kennels
set up sink and solar water heater at kennels
learn to use post auger
use post auger to install gates and for kennel pen
set up wood pile for house and for each living section
set up swing
beer garden for WB
roses
kitchen upgrade *sink, flooring, cabinet doors
Clean closets



This is a long list and it's definitely not in order. A lot is weather dependent. If it's raining there's inside stuff. Otherwise it's outside stuff.  The outside is important now because of the heat in June through September. I'm saving that for inside and for renovations that other people do.

We're doing pretty good. My goal for Feb was to clean the fence lines for the west parcel, the edges of the woods, and any place that was in the way when WB bush hogged.  I'm hoping to have this all done by Sunday next week. My goal for March was to finish the chicken and new dog kennels.  Get the dogs shots, clean my closets, clean WB's closets, and spring clean the kitchen. I need help for some of the outside work. I'm not keen on using the chainsaw without someone else here. Plus it's easier to cut and then move limbs with help. I have to work quickly because the sap rises and by June the bushes and grass can be tall.  Already the sap is rising. If it can stay coldish the snakes will stay in their dens.
Note MUST have west fence and gate sorted for the dogs to stay outside. That might be project for this coming weekend.

I'm so excited about what we did today. I know that it will be just beautiful by the end of next weekend.

April is for working on the house yard and putting up the green house. It should be warm enough to have the chickens in their new yard.  The only thing I can't really do is cut the front bushes. Have to make sure that the Mockingbirds don't have nests in the holly. Really should prune trees and root the cuttings.



Considering the sad thing that happened this past Thursday, I'm getting sleep. Has a lot to do with the physical work that we're doing. I'm just pooped. It's a good tired as I have something done and something to do tomorrow.


Songs that I heard today were by Colin Hay (Men at Work) and the Steel Sisters. (Re broadcast of a June  2013 Prairie Home Companion.



You know.  My perfect day is waking up, dressing, snack, sorting the dogs, going outside to work, break for late full breakfast or early lunch, project work in yard, visit with dogs while taking a rest or reading in the hammock, shower, supper, movie,  check the emails and watch previous night's LLS  or tv (Big Bang Theory, 2 broke girls, American Idol, the political shows on Friday night and the Sunday AM now that it's coming on the political season, How I Met Your Mother, and Glee)
I also like baseball (Braves)and college football (SEC games). It's lovely to work outside in the morning in Summer, shower, eat lunch, and then watch the Braves under the air conditioner. Chips, soda, or pop corn.

This is a lot to do. Going to bed. Lots to do tomorrow.



PS My parents are idiots. They could be spending time with all of their family. We're fun and we have something to show for our time.  We're interesting.  They're so wound up and uncomfortable. Hiding.  We're moving forward. Ah well I hope that things will change for them. For me? No more stories for them. I saw them in their real and I've got things to do. I haven't got time for that level of pain.

Today? They missed visiting with us after we worked outside.  Under the trees with Lucky, Pup, and WB.  All of us so tired. Except Lucky who could have gone on for the rest of the evening.  They missed seafood night at the local restaurant (oysters! and nice people). Tomorrow they'll miss more work but they'll also miss church and the lunch after. You've gotta love a church who'll take you in Sunday service dressed in your outside work clothes. Last Sunday I pulled tree limbs right up until 15 minutes before service. We came in late. I was wearing my tshirt covered in dirt.  Same for night meeting. Tomorrow will be the same. Worked around the rain last Sunday( it started just before church and stopped just after). They'll miss putting my boat in the water at the lake.  They'll miss the life here for staying at home. Holding on to old fights.  They'll miss us. Maybe. I hope that things will change but after last Thursday, I've stopped waiting for it like it was the only thing to do. Waiting for them to change like they're  the last bus of the night on a mean street.  Theirs is a mean street but here? It's not.

I miss Newt and Billy. I'd tell them and they'd tell me to go forward.  I think that they'd understand.

I miss Newt stories. I miss watching Billy dance. Seeing him with his head set in such a way. Reading his letters. Unlike the angst of my parents, Billy and Newt's  were creative worlds alive with thought.

I'd love to have BudN show up in the middle of all this. Like he did the last time.  I'd stop what I was doing. We'd all stop what we were doing and drink glasses of ice tea in the shade. Then?  Then we'd stand him a dinner from the It Don't Matter. Under the trees. It's a Sunday tradition.

And mercy, I miss having IrishDavid in my world. I miss him fierce.

:(

To bed now. I found out last Thursday that I haven't wasted the very air that I breath. I have things to show for my time.
Good things.

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.

.

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Beautiful sunny, cold day.

Delightful Pup.  I'm lucky that he's my son. Really great person.

No more weird looks on my blog. Yay! 

Love The Planets.

And now to work outside. Have a lot to do.

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It's gone. Vampirestat is gone.:P Lol. Goofed off more than worked yesterday. Was raining this AM Looked at calendar and thought, "Ah crup. I need a date or chaperone. Someone who can goof off, dress up, show up on time time, has goof off time, AND (important) have fun. Combination Craig Ferguson with George Clooney wardrobe. Where do I find one of those? They'd have to be free at drop of a hat for the rest of 2014. They'd have to be fun. They'd have to want to walk with the dogs and maybe end up on a Mardi Gras Krewe. " I don't think WalMart has one of those. Maybe Twitter? We could make it a reality tv show. I'd watch. Argggh. .

Oh crup. Starting to feel like I'm catching a cold. Yeck. .

Worked hard yesterday and today. Love it when hard work has something to show for the effort. Cleared a path on the fence line. This way the pup and I can get fresh air and make sure that there's no holes in the fence. Still have another day or two of work ahead. WB is helping. This is so good. Hoping for good weather. The bad news is that I didn't get to go to see CF in concert. :( WB asked me about it and I told him that sometimes it's tough to be the grown up. I'm due a fun couple of days but looking down that fence row and seeing clearing was just too important. We've had such lousy weather. Now I'm hearing that there's rain next week. Since there have been times where we've prayed for rain, I shouldn't complain. It's just that we've spent very valuable time dealing with rain, cold, sleet, and snow. Will be a long day tomorrow but what a joy it will be to have this done!!!!! Was thinking about things while I was lopping all those bushes. When my mother was young and when I was young too, guys had to pass the dad test. I wonder if that's still true? Something my dad might say... I think that a guy should come to the door. Respect yourself... .

Hurray. No more vampirestat. No more views from people who don't answer back or come from place that might be in the international news. If this works, there's a way to get rid of vampire stat. Yay.

It's already started. The long march through the day that is all about "love" but never seems to work out that way. Believe it or not I used to deliver telegrams and actually helped someone ask his girl friend to marry him. As in I dressed up as cupid, arranged the particulars like the champagne and the ring and glasses, the place to ask, and was even there to announce his arrival. The next year she hired me to deliver a birthday greeting. She was pregnant at the time. It's not that I don't like romance. I love romance. The people who I'm around do romance like they do kp. My horoscope says that I like romance that humbles and makes me a better person. If that's your idea of romance, please, have at it. That is the kind of romance that YOU like. I'll take the kind of love that makes you feel puffed up and invincible. That's the kind that I like. Honestly, I think that I'm adopted. The one that matches? Everyone you love makes you laugh. They do it unexpectedly and yet consistently. You'll try to return the favor today and succeed with flying colors. I want the cupid, singing telegram, the sender thought about it, and actually like me kind. Otherwise, I'd rather skip it. I want the hearts and flowers because the person cares about me and I care about them. There's only been one person who's done that. For the love of Pete, don't send me an obligation. I know the difference. A holes. .

It's be okay.

.

Funny.

The key people in my life who keep telling me that I'd be perfect if I'd just change...

Then they're gone.

I'm exhausted.

Lol. I'm supposed to turn the other cheek.
Just not sure that I have the energy.

It's supposed to be pretty tomorrow.  Since it's just me posting for me?  I'm not sure if I'll put anything here.

Just incase,  Hugs and Happy Valentine's day self.   I know that is about it for the day.  Just a lot of work. 

But I think that I'll put something else here.\

Dear Karma,

I didn't do anything wrong. Surely I have enough good Karma stored that maybe just maybe I can hear from Newt or Irish David.  Just to let me know if they're okay. Fill me in on their life. I can't imagine that they've given me a thought but it would be nice to add a good memory to tomorrow's list of disasters.

Just them though.  Otherwise leave me alone.  I'm pretty well used to hiding out in my Valentine's Day Hurricane Hole. It's just 24 hours and it's supposed to be sunny. :P


Regards,

WriterAnn

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Date? 2/13/2014


It feels like bile coming up the esophagus and heading to your mouth.

It's not the nervous dizzy kind of anticipation.

It's more like dread.

Happens every year.  I still hope that something will happen differently but not like the fella in mythology.  I don't roll my hope up a hill without a clue that it will roll back down.  I'm wondering if there isn't some kind of bad wish from someone. Someone who thinks that I've wronged them.  If they only new the "nun's life" that I live here. The wouldn't be mad at me. Maybe they'd even feel sorry.

Nah.

So tomorrow? I won't watch the gate. I guess I'll take the new chain saw and cut limbs.


Valentine's Day.

It's the day I remember David sending me flowers. They were beautiful. I'd been such a sh#t .  He's telling me that he wants to get to know me. I'm answering in this hissing kind of voice, "You want to know me? No you don't. You have no clue." He's saying in this quiet voice, "Yes, I do." He sounds tired. Like it's the millionth time he's said it and the millionth time I've said,"NO!"  Inside I'm beggin my mouth to shut up. My heart is screaming for me to stop. But responsibility, to my situation? It's shouting it all down. He won't stop. Finally I tell him," Okay. You really want to know me? You'll send me flowers. A dozen. Then..." He stops me. "Okay" He's online ordering flowers. He wants to know what kind I like and where he should send them. He sounds so tired. Then he says,'I can handle the rest of this." and then "Done."

It's over.

Later I get a call to confirm. Responsibility shouts,"Reject."  The girl on the phone is smiling. I can hear her. She asks again and I ask her if there's a card. When I hear the words? I'm quietly awed. "Do you want them." she asks.  I stuff Responsibility into a dark corner of my mind and tell her the honest answer.

I wonder if he knew how this would change every other Valentine's Day. How I would dread it. Tomorrow I'll open that memory and tend that little flame of happy. Then I'll shut it away. Protected from Responsibility and it's relentless march through my heart.

January, I didn't watch the gate.  Instead I fell asleep early. Didn't even watch the New Years programs.  I just got tired and went to sleep as if it were any other night. I think that it was an omen of this year.  Today I feel tired. I'm kind of exhausted from the weather and the pain. The sun is out though so there is the blue sky and the no rain. Like a cheerful friend that you can tuneout while you sit in the sun.  It's after you've been sick. You sit there.

If it weren't for the dread?
It would feel like just another day.


Little black dress. Lol. I'll more likely be in jeans and a tshirt. Nothing romantic about me.  .

Tomorrow? Just like New Years, I won't watch the gate. 
I guess I'll take the new chain saw and cut limbs.

But there is Hope. I'll leave a note on the gate to honk the horn.

Just in case.


Craig Ferguson will be in concert Sunday.As much as I really want to go? More than likely responsibilities will have me here rubbing sore feet and pulling leaves out of my hair.

I really do want to go.  Because of all the snow and rain, I need Sunday to work outside.

:(






.

Happy Feb 12, 2014.

Not so much a pain day. Took an Advil this morning. Will take another tonight. Just kind of creaky today.  Much rangling with the dogs. So much rain. Soggy dogs aren't fun so I brought them with me.

We're just rolling along...


Only 2 more days until Valentine's Day.  Oh joy. For Valentine I bought WB a burger flipper.  He gave me a slightly used 3 ounce tube of hand cream with sanitizer with moisturizer.  I tell people that I got a chainsaw but since it's in his name? I'm not so sure.

No flowers. Not in this case.  Flowers are for people in romance.

Haven't seen romance since 1998.  Beautiful multicolored roses. Tried to root them but they were frozen in a freak freeze.  Much like my love life. 


Lol a whole section of this post disappeared.

So I'll put it very plain. It has been 13 whole years going on 14.
No, I'm not menopausal.
I'm interested.
It's lack of opportunity.
I'm out of practice.
Is it any surprise that I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day?

Got it?

Cause I don't.

:(

The dogs are wanting chaos to turn to order.

Gotta go blog police. :P


.

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Just another pain day. Wrists, knees, shoulders, neck...Ack

Well it's Valentine's week.  Make money florists, jewelers, and gift shop emporiums.  I'll be hiding in my VD gunk hole.  Avoiding all the haves in love and the have not in love unhappy about it.

I just want a bit of peace.

The stupid thing is that I still expect that some miracle will happen and Irish Dave or Newt will show up. How lovely to have that reunion. Happy.

But I'm not thinking that will happen.

Optimistic I going to say that this year will be different. This year I will see them again.
I'll get the hug and hear them.

Like energy of a thousand suns and yet as gentle a the fall a single snow flake.

Most days I don't cry but then there are pain days where every effort isn't quite enough..

10 million fireflies ,,,

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12dots disclaimer

This is 12dotsandablot.
A writer's blog.
A fiction writer's blog.
Fact and fiction co exist here.
If you can't tell which is which?
Please
Don't ASSume
Ask.

Ah, I got it... Why a romantic AVOIDS Valentine's Day...

Finally? I get it. All this effort to let me know that no one cares what I think.

Lol. Who does that to a person?  To make me stronger? Ahahahahahaha.

You know there are nice people who I've met.  I don't preach to them about the way they live their life or try to convince them to live my life.

Nooo.

It's more like, "Hey! How you going? Good? Ah that's great to hear."  When I thought that I had to give away my dog? I asked you and your response was, "That's your problem. I don't like the dog."  I showed up and asked one of these nice people for help. They didn't say go own you made your bed so ... (You know the rest.)  Ah no they said can I help?
It's just who they are as people.

But not you.

You?

When I asked you with all my heart to tell  me what was wrong with us and how do we fix it? YOU seemed unhappy, something seemed wrong, and that we needed to work it out.  You let me think that you weren't the kind of person who talked about their feelings.  I bought it. Until last night when you walked in and told me that you'd discussed one of our "problems" with someone else.  You talked to a co worker !  Seriously?What a shocker!!!  I shouldn't have been surprised. This isn't the first time that you've shown up and pretty much said, "It's not me. It's you."

Then you closed the door or turned off the light and shut me out.





Me?

I should have listened when I met your father and he said,


"Where's the other girl?" 

No spinach between my teeth.  Height and weight appropriate. When I look at the photos from that year? I looked great. No, I was lovely. What's more I was trying my best to get along with you and your family.  Now you tell me that all these years you won't talk to me but suddenly you can talk to everyone other than me.  Excuse me if I take that badly.

Pain day. .




.

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Dear Groundhog,

Maybe in your neck of the woods but not here.

:(

Signed,

IfIwantedtoLiveinaColdPlaceI'dHaveMovedThere

PS

This song makes me cry.  I don't want to but I do.  It reminds me of how simple and yet how strong true love can be.  I used to think that I had that kind of love. Now?  Now I love my son and my pups.

I still think that I will have this but I grow older. When I look at the front gate or when I have waited at the door for my friend to come back, a part of me grows quiet and still.  This place doesn't fill the sadness that I feel.  The notion of home seems so far away.

What this world has tried to steal from me is just wrong.

Hurray!! We can see the ground and the pups are outside!!  Oh happy day!!!

Do you know what it's like to have an a dog who needs to pee and poop try to do that when there's ice on the ground?  They aren't happy.

Do you know what it's like to be a person who is looking at all that cold and knowing that you've got to go outside with said dog?

I do.

I am sooo not happy today. 

If I had wanted to live somewhere with snow at this time of year? I'd move there.

I am sooooooooooo not happy.


Neither is my dog.

We have to put up with some really hot weather in the summer so that we don't have to have this kind of cold in the winter.

Last year it was abnormally warm. People were bragging about it until the mosquitos showed up. You have to have cold weather to decrease the bugs and to help some of the crops.

BUT you don't have to have it this cold.  It's stupid.  You can have cold days at or above 32 degrees F and satisfy ALL ecological requirements.
This year?

Epic fail.

Global Warming?


Please send all comments about the fucked up weather to anyone but me.

Cluster fuck. Epic fail.

Me? I have common sense and know that there isn't ANY reason for this and I will remember it come November voting time.

:(


.

I'd like to get something up front.


Ya'll are waaaaay to obvious and you've got no style. I could write better.



Now for the day's cud chew.


There was only one person (besides Pup) who I reacted to immediately. He's dead. While I am sure that there are really talented people in the world. Billy? Was my friend. We both recognized that. You don't make that happen. Even if it was a "manufactured relationship"?   I have put up a filter since then. It's a good thing. If you want to be my bestest bud?  I'll need two forms of ID, a back ground check, and a note from your priest or preacher before I let you or ANYONE get that close. Not only that, but I really do like eating my lunch in peace.




I have tried to avoid conflict with my family by moving as far away from them as possible and still be able to live my life.  It's how my extended family handles their inability to get along.  At least that is what I thought. Now I find that we live a very controversial and colorful life that they make up. I don't even begin to live this life. My aunt is upset over my son. My dad and brother are upset over what my mom said I did when in fact it wasn't possible to do. Not one of them came to me and asked what was up. It's like being cyber bullied only there's no computer involved. Just phones. And old people with really sharp "teeth".  I grew up with them or rather I survived being around them. Even now, they bite really, really, hard. I've seen then fight each other.  Sometimes being disinherited and living out here in the middle of nowhere is a good thing. Peace.

No more being a dumpster for folks emotional problems. Those are their problems. I'm not even around them.

And now they're trying to drag Pup into it.

Lol. I have to laugh because it's so stupid. I've been trying to find someone who cares. I've been trying to find family.  I thought I found a church family. I even thought I found another church where I could work and help people in need. I don't even need a church to go to Heaven. I just like going to church. Instead? All I'm finding is a kind of free range world for people with lots of emotional insecurities; emotional insecurities that they want to make my fault. I should carry around a pen and note pad. Write this stuff down. I could become a modern day William Faulkner.

So I'm going to write. I'm thinking of writing a book or maybe a play


I'm still not entirely sure but I'm close to certain that?

Goodbye vampirestat

At least there's nothing to indicate that their around.  I figured that if they were related to adsense and if I went private?  They'd have to log in to view the blog and that they wouldn't.  Neither would any other weirdness.


.

And for any of the alphabet security folks who, because of vampirestat, may be viewing this blog?  I'm boring.  I have a great imagination but in real life? I'm boring. Apparently? From what I've been told here? I'm so boring I could put  people to sleep by breathing.  Even more? I've always been boring. At least that's what I've heard. The great thing is that I have a great imagination. It keeps me company.

(This blog isn't a manifesto. I'm just doing what writer's do. Writing stuff down. It's not a diary either. It's just a place with a word processor and access to the Internet. I can look things up while I write.)

Sigh I told WB that we could skip all the Valentine's Day stuff. He's delighted. I also bought a bunch of candy at the dollar store. There are only a few pieces of chocolate in each box. When I get blue about the fact that no one really wants to know me in a romantic way? I open a box, throw the chocolate into the garbage (it's not good for me and honestly it tastes awful),  and I write a story about a secret admirer who sends me a box of really good chocolates every day until Valentine's Day. On VD, he sends me flowers. I saw some beautiful tulips. I'm thinking of buying them as well. "Oh flowers! How lovely." The truth is that I've always lived a kind of cloistered life when it comes to relationships. I've gotten used to being the friend, the acquaintance, or just the good old girl.  I should write old fashioned romance novels and sell them online. Filled with intrigue and the romance that I hoped for but haven't found.

There's a great scene in the movie Romancing the Stone. Kathleen Turner's character finishes her latest novel and celebrates by feeding her cat a can of BumbleBee tuna. All the action and passion in here novels were the events that didn't happen in her real life.

Alphabet people?


That's me. And now thanks to the BS from here and my family? I'm just growing less interested in going through the stuff inorder to find out if  the other the other person is lying when they say, "Hey I like you. Wanna be friends?" . I am truly a nice person. I'd love to have romance in my life. No one is interested. They think that I am boring and ugly. They just want to yell at me or blame me for their stuff. So seriously, if you have anyone to look at? Go look at them and then send in a straight, good looking, fun to be around person.

I could use the cheering up.

Haven't heard from the publisher. I'm thinking it went in the dumpster. Sad. The publisher is a nice man. He probably just thought that what I wrote was horrid and didn't want to hurt my feelings. I dread seeing him. Not for the rejection but for the uncomfortable look on his face.

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Oh my Lawd. It's cold.

I was looking at photos of Scotland in winter.

Finally just left the page.

My feet?  They are cold. I can feel the chill descend as the sun sets. If it keeps up we'll once again be all bunking together under layers of blankets (and this is with the heaters going). I think that we've finally got things sorted with the pups. Even with the newest member of the family, we're good.

In better news, the view numbers on this blog dwindle by the day. Hurrah.  By Monday, all of the views when the blog was public should be gone.  Good bye vampirestat.   If you are viewing here? It will have to be with my permission which you do not have.

Yay!

I'm glad that I don't have my ego wrapped up in blog view numbers

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.

slowly but surely.
Number of views down.
Now they don't even post the audience

LoL  "Check back later."

Go away who ever you are. Go away.  This is a good blog and I don't appreciate the BS coming here.

Go away.

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I'm thinking that Sunday will be the day that we zero out vampirestat keeping fingers crosses.

I'm hoping that the view and stats indicate that Vampirestat and adscnce are history but looks like I won't know for sure for another week.

Waiting...waiting...waiting....

I'm going to try writing without using Youtube.  I used to do this all the time but then got into the habit of adding videos. By doing this, the blog will be back to a writer's blog.

Fun!

Good news!

The new pup and our oldest pup made friends!!!  I had been planning on how I'd introduce them.  Walked up to the gate leaving Pup and the oldest pup at the new pup's kennel.  When I walked back Pup, the new pup, and the oldest pup were in the same enclosure. No fussing at all from the New Pup and the Old Pup just growled alittle when new pup sniffed her but.  Old Pup rules the kennels so this is really good.

Yay~

.

This is aggravating. I haven't found the connection to go directly to the work page.  Have to write new post.  Hmmf.

Still holding true.  No weird views on the stats for this blog. It's like reading in the dark on a day when there's lots of snow.  Quiet.  Hushed. Lovely.  It's good for now.  I can not only hear the air, I can on some levels feel it. Viscous.  It that's possible.

Going to get some sleep.

.

Sarah Jarosz 's cover of Bob Dylan's   Come On Up To The House


:)







There's a line in the song , "...The world is not my home. I'm just a passing through..."

I'm thinking it's from this song

This world is not my home I'm just a passing through
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
The angels beckon me from heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore
Oh Lord you know I have no friend like you
If heaven's not my home then Lord what will I do
The angels beckon me from heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore

I have a loving mother just over in Gloryland
And I don't expect to stop until I shake her hand
She's waiting now for me in heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore
Oh Lord you know...
[ guitar ]
Just over in Gloryland we'll live eternaly the saints on every hand are shouting victory
Their songs of sweetest praise drift back from heaven's shore
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore
Oh Lord you know...


WB sings this all the time.   I sing my version (same melody but not the same lyrics "...This world is not my home. I'm just a passing through. My home is up in Heaven, way up in the blue. My home is up in Heaven. Way up in the sky. The world is not my home. I'm just a passing through..."

I've always thought that we have a hand in our time when we die.  It comes from hearing of people who've tried to go to the light but then stop and go back.  Which leads to the questions of are we being reincarnated when we go to the light.  Is that the first real memory; the light that we first see going from the uterus to the outside world. What happens if a baby isn't born?  Does it stay in a reality like the present? Like when people say that they went toward the light but then stopped and woke up?  When my father was in his coma, he said that he saw a place where the  people were happy and kind. He said it was a type of Heaven. 


Do we tell God or whoever is in the next life, "I'm not ready to leave where I've been. I have to stay."

Does he answer back, "Sure, I'll see you later. No worries."

Once, many years ago, I thought that I was having a heart attack.  I remember praying to God that I couldn't leave because I didn't want to leave my son alone. I put my hand over the place that hurt and asked God to make the pain stop and heal the problem.  I just didn't have the luxury of going to Heaven.  The pain stopped.  My son had fallen asleep next to me. I'd been telling him a story and he'd fallen asleep. I couldn't stand the idea of him waking up next to me after I had died. Even worse, I couldn't stand leaving him alone.  Not as young as he was.  I always thought that he was spared that sadness.

Lucky.

I read this and can remember the funny feeling of being still and then just the knowledge that it was going to be okay.

...

 

I went to look at the stats.  It went from crazy to zero views. Had I known this earlier?  I'd have gone private along time ago.  VampireStat?  I don't know you.  I won't miss you.  From what I've read about you on the Internet?  You are no good.


No views? Good news.

.

Have sent work to publisher.

As for private life. LoL 

I'm delighted to have a conversation with nice folks this AM.  This afternoon I tread on suck.  It's weird to watch things happen.  I was correct about the answer to the question, "How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?" I was also correct in the assessment of determination of those involved.  I'm pretty sure that the combination of above will lead to a heady mix of angst.

The question is?

"Is it worth the hassle?"

For me? Probably not.

This isn't a sorority or a charity. It's a club that blew through a whole lot and now they are trying to conjure the illusion of imperative to make up for the money that was wasted on a defunct dock. 

"Hurry! Pay extra dues! Sell these tickets!! Quick there's not much time!!!"

They don't want to hear what I have to say.

Lol and they wanted to tell me that Cliff's was too expensive. Funny.


There's no way I'm going to ask the people I know to pay money for tickets when the recipient club isn't a charity.  It's like sorority AND politics rolled into one.


.

Blog note:


Just took my Twitter and my blog private.

Now I can write in peace and  use the blog/tweet to chat with family.


Me.


time to start writing.


.wow

.

.

A valentine for my brother's ex girl friend.

I knew this person. 


No, not Mcphee.

My brother's ex girl friend.  I just found out tonight that she'd died.

Had things gone differently, she'd have been my sister in law.  The way she left this planet was much different than when I first met her. I remember seeing her mother and step father at a cafeteria in Montgomery, Alabama.  I was with my mother, dad, and son. We'd met for lunch and was on our way out when we heard someone call our name. It was her mom.

My brother and her daughter had broken it off. She married someone There was that cordial chill in which you observe the politeness called for but everyone knows that things aren't good.  My brother was still in college. One of the smaller diamonds on my mom's left hand had been her original engagement diamond.  It was years  before my mom got the others. A lot hours on the job. My mom just didn't understand why someone would ask her son, who had no job, for such a large stone.  To be fair it was probably my brother's fault. My folks were footing the bill for his college, his car, his apartment, basically his existence. He had a lot more college left. If he got any ring at all it would have to have come from my mother. He was so oblivious to all this that he didn't tell his girlfriend that the only thing he could give would be a cigar paper ring. He  assumed that they'd pay for the ring too. He let her think that my parents would foot the bill like they did for every other thing in his life.  My mom would accept a lot of thing but not  when it came to money and her "baby".  So she started quietly breaking them up. Started saying that my brother's girlfriend only wanted him for money he didn't have. By the time my brother asked her to spend the weekend with us in Louisiana?  I think that it was done. She wasn't my brother's girlfriend any more.

We stood there in the restaurant while her mother told us about her daughter.  She had cancer and they had to cut off her leg. Her husband was so good to her.. He took care of her during the stuff you face with cancer. All the time, I could see her jaw working. I didn't know the rest until tonight.


I'm glad that she ended the relationship with my brother.  I was happy when I first heard it but really happy when I read how her life ended.  All the things that she did?  She wouldn't have done them had she married my brother. He wouldn't have taken as good of care of her. He's such a type A person he'd have made the time they would have been married  a real pain. She'd have been miserable and sick.  She had family who would love and support her. With my brother and mother? No.

I feel bad for my brother.  I don't know how he feels about this or if he even knows she's died. I do know that his wife looks just like the old girl friend.  When  I asked him about it he had a fit. I haven't had a decent conversation with him since then. Deep down inside, I hit a nerve.


RIP madam, I can't imagine it was easy raising a family while your were dying but you did.
Good for you. It's my brother's loss.  I'm so glad that you didn't have to deal with him, my mom, and cancer too.

.

To be or not to be...

.

 

 

 

Dear World,

 

 

 

Many, many, many, many years ago,  I met someone who took my breath away. This was long ago before the Internet let folks date people who they'd never been in the same room with.  This was the age of pen pals. It was all very kismet.  I was away from home for the first time (school). We met almost by divine accident.  We wrote about our homes and our lives.

 

 

 

We were friends.

 

 

We were so far away from each other that it just seemed impossible that there would be anything but friendship between us.

 

 

 

After all this time I wonder what happened to him.

 

 

Did he marry?

 

 

Did he have kids?

 

 

Is he happy?

 

 

 

So much could have happened to him.

 

 

So much has happened to me.

 

 

 

I'm sitting here with less than a month before VD and I'm wondering this.

 

 

I have an idea of how to contact him but I'm wondering if this is a good idea.

 

 

I need an unbiased opinion.

 

 

So I'm asking for help.

 

 

I know that you don't know me but maybe that's better.

 

 

 

Should I try to find him? 

 

 

Or?

 

 

Should I go outside and hug the dogs and buy that pair of shoes I've been looking at?

 

 

 

I've been listening to Hunter Hayes.

 

 

Lol

 

 

#IWantCrazy

 

 

but not nuts.

 

 

.

 

 



Now this is a VD to aspire to.

....

 

 

 

 

Life is complicated.


Blog  stupid...











.


.


.

. 



It's already been a looooonnnnggg week.

.

 

 

.





Thought long and hard about it.


I'm not getting sucked into other people's crazy.


No drahhhma here.

I'm out of here and into the sunshine.


Or a nap.


Hope that you have a great day.




.



.






.












.

 



note from author

Folks, I'm really and truly tired.  It's cold this morning so the pups and chickens are sleeping in. I'm going to get some sleep as well. Part of it is lack of sleep for the last week. With the unusual weather, Pup and I have been wrangling animals so that they won't turn into Pup-sicles.  Last night I listened for sounds of trees falling and pups uncomfortable.  As I lay there, I also ran through what happened yesterday.  I was so tired and so sad about it all. 


It's going to be sunny and warm this afternoon. Think I'll get a nap now and then go out to play with the dogs later. Not lazy. I just need to sleep and so do the pups.


I could use a hug. This is really a disappointing development. 

AuthorAnn


In other good news, this isn't a pain day. Just lack of sleep over an extended time period.

Boy am I looking forward to the spring..

.





.
.. 

Lucy in the world without the diamonds...

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've been thinking about yesterday....






 

This is a GENERAL post and not in anyway directed at the nice person who publishes books. Just reminding myself that if someone shoots me a bird? That's their problem not mine.

All together.


"...I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
    Get along with the voices inside of my head
    You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath
    And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

    Well that's not fair..."

No more being the Emotional Dipsty Dumpster for other people.
No more angry at situations that other folks have no problem with regardless if it hurts me.

I'm good.

Was thinking on the ride home that it's good not to give another human being the power to feel that they know best about your life and not you. Especially NOT good to give that power to people who are almost complete strangers. If someone shoots me a bird because they're having a bad day?

That's their problem.

I'm good with where I'm going.


Thanks for the advice. If it works? I'll take it but if not please don't be hurt.  It's just advice not a ball and chain.

Hope the weather person is wrong and that it's warmer than the prediction.


Busy.

.

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know, today was a pretty good day.

So was yesterday.






.





.

 

 

 

 

 

What a great song for the animals at the animal shelter.

 

 

 

If you are thinking of finding a furry, hoofed, winged, or reptilian friend?

 

 

There are some really lovely animals at the shelter who'd love a home.



.

True story.


There was a dog sitting on the side of the road.

A very nice person saw this pup.

When she went that way again the pup was still there.


So, nice person that she is, she decided to give the pup some dog treats.

She did this.

And then the next day did it again.

Every day she did this.

I'm pretty sure that this is the only thing that pup had to eat.

Now the pup has a home.

A place to be.

Hopefully they'll never have to think,

"Everybody has someone but me."


No complaining about Valentine's Day.


But I do have to go.

The pups are barking.

They need a hug.


So do I.



.

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

.

 

"...


No news?  Is still good news.


Means that there's still a chance.


There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to make a choice.  They must wash the laundry

 

 

or?

 

 

 

Walk around naked.

 

 

 

It's time for me to wash clothes, dishes, and walk the dogs.

 

 

It did rain today but I got many things done.

 

 

Same needs to be for tomorrow, the next day and all the days until I get my important things done.

 

 

Until then?

 

I hope that all the Gentle Readers have sunshine filled days or at the very least sunshine in your heart.

 

 

I'm terrible at waiting.

 

 

So it's a good idea to keep busy.

 

No matter if I get the writing gig or not, I'll have a clean closet and happy dogs.

 

 

There will be something to show for my week.

 

 

Happy days!

 

 

..."



.

After a week of rain, rain, cold, frightfully cold, busted pipes cold, warmer with rain?

Today was indeed beautiful.

Tomorrow more rain.

But then I had to clean the kitchen and wash clothes so it's all good.



It is a beautiful day.

A gift.


Now to the business of being blog....


 Blog  stupid...


.

Dear Internet blog lurkers who I don't know and who don't post.

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Romper stomper bomper boo

Tell me who the heck RU?

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

"OOOOHHHH look!!! Russia's back.  Hi and hello global neighbor!  Just like all the other times that you lurked....

 

 

Who are you?

 

Sign.

 

 

I will not make fun of another countries President.

 

I will not make fun of another countries President.

I will not make fun of another countries President.

I will not make fun of another countries President.

 

(Actually I wasn't making fun and it is my understanding that the Putin was happy to have them published on the Internet. Just saying. But ...)

 

 

I will not make fun of another countries President.

I will not make fun of another countries President.

I will not make fun of another countries President.

 

 

 

I kind of wish you were the KBG of something monitoring my blog.

 

Just think of all the view numbers I could get for just Blogging stupid... .

 

 

:)...

 

ya dah ya dah yadah..

 

 

 

Dogs are barking.

 

Gotta go putin' a pair of pants and oil up the chest hairs.

 

Might be the KBG (snerk) .

 

:P

 

 

/

 

 

 



The VD epidemic....

It's started already.

VD  The campaign to get someone to send another someone presents because they're special.

In years past, I've dug a virtual hole and stayed there until February 15th.

The Valentine's Day Hidey Hole.

Not this year.

Do I have a new  beau who's gonna' buy me stuff?

Nope.


I'm just going to embrace the notion of celebrating the fact that the florist industry needs the cash and radio station djs need reasons to act stupid.

To begin?

OMW. Writers? Sharpen your pencils AND win a prize...

A blast from the past.

"...On the cold nights by the fire, her grandfather would sleep in his chair. Most nights he'd snore but then on  those other rare nights he'd wake like waking from the dead and say to no one in particular, "Hoist the sails."

Those were the nights of stories. Her mother swore that he made them up until one morning they found the chest. Who could have believed what was there. Gold coins, letters with drawing done by her mother,  and a map with promises of more.

And a key.

..."

Stories From the Gold Coast/Nights in Havana

compilation of short stories with promises of adventure by C Anne Ford



,

Hugs.

Writer Anne

.

.

To the hackers who've messed with or tried to mess with this blog...

Really?

Lol. I've spent the last 3 out of four nights in cold as heck weather out in the car with the new dog.  He can't come inside and I can't leave him outside in this weather.  So we sit out in the car turning the heater on when it's too cold and then off when it warms up. I just came inside to use the bathroom and get something to drink. This is the last thing I'm doing before I go back outside. He's such a good dog and he's had such a hard time. Before we could get him to trust us, there were some cold nights. One morning he had ice on his back. I don't know what happened to him before he came here but it doesn't matter. What's important to me is how we treat him.

So outside I go.

The other dogs are inside. The chickens are in their enclosure with the heat light.

I'm telling you this so that you know that the stupidity that you might try is your stupid. I'm too busy to get upset. You see I've got to keep the animals and people warm. They're the ones who show up in my life not you or the so called folks who are soooooo interested in my life but haven't a clue of who I am or even my name.

I'm sorry that I missed working at the lake on Saturday and the church on Monday and later today. I'll be able to start back on Wednesday. I know that they'll understand why I wasn't there.



For all of us in the US who are dealing with the cold?  This to will pass.

We're going to be okay.


This aint nothin'






Going back outside to hug the pup.


PS Hey. Craig Ferguson is coming to Atlanta, Georgia in February.

Thanks.

.

No I don't protest too much. I honestly don't like this person. I don't want to be on his radar.

He is and in my opinion always will be a jerk.

I don't think or wonder about his life at all.





PS.


 Was really looking forward to working out at the lake. Finally things are moving along and there will be a boat ramp to use this spring.  Then?  I got the email that SB will be coming to work too.

I'm not looking forward to this.

I plan to work hard and fast and avoid him like I would avoid a plague.

He's a jerk.  I rarely honestly dislike people but this person I can never hear of and be happy.

So Santa or Mr. Blueberry?  If you have something for him to do every Saturday for the next two months? Something to do in another state? I would honestly be happy.


 I promise to work hard and have fun. This isn't a live lesson about working around people who you don't like. He's better off doing anything other than being at that lake.


.

.



Happy New Year.

Thank the Lord above, there was a sale at the shoe store and I bought not one but two pairs of rubber boots. After weeks of wet cold feet? My toes are tapping.  Also, I now own an orange sweat shirt that will let folks know that I'm a dear not a deer, a pair of red shoes to wear around the house, a scarf to keep me warm, and socks.  I am very happy about all this.

You will never believe what happened last night.

I missed the midnight.

Yesterday  (after writing on the blog) , I spent the afternoon moving dog kennels, cleaning dog kennels, moving chick yard, moving chickens, exercising dogs, working with Stray Dog (who now has a real name and not the Stray Dog name), and then getting the dinner...  by 9pm?  I was just too tired and decided to take a nap. A nap that went through midnight and until 7:30am this morning.

Pup stayed up to watch the NYC celebration and then went to sleep.

For the first time in years, there was no ringing of the chime at midnight, there wasn't any recitation of the Preamble nor the First Amendment, no Auld Lang Sine,  or lighting of a candle.

If anyone came to my gate? Only the porch light was on.

I was asleep.

This was good because today was spent running errands and exercising Stray Dog. We did eat traditionally (black eyed peas, collards, rice, etc.) but there was also pizza. Then was the washing of the clothes.  It's warmed up from the freezing rain but it's still gloomy. The weather report is that it will clear tomorrow but will start raining. I just got the email that Saturday is a work party.

That doesn't include the extra time that will be spent working with stray dog. Domi is furious. She keeps her eyes glued to the window when I'm working with the new guest.  I'm giving her extra attention but I'm not sure if it's helping. J has taken to his dog bed in despair. Sometimes- I think that I live with drahhmah queens instead of pups.

I needed the rest.

Not the day that I'd planned but not too bad either.

Oh and guess what?

I found the list, The list that I wrote many many years ago!!!  I had a few things that I'd forgot and a few more to cross of the list.

LOL.

Again, Happy New Year.

Author Anne

.

.

Happy New Year.

Hope that all the readers here have a safe evening and that they get to spend it with the people who they love.

There's a tradition in Scotland. Something about the first visitor you have in the New Year.

Tonight, very much like Christmas at midnight, I'll stand on my stoop and read the Preamble and the First Amendment.  I'll say a thank you that I'm American. I'll give thanks that I have the freedom to choose to believe or not to believe without the government's intervention.

Then I'll sing


Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne* ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Then like the idiot I am, I'll look at the gate and hope for company.

Go inside when none shows up and go to bed.

I'll remember to be thankful that I have a healthy Pup, a place for him, myself, and the pups. I'll be thankful that this year I have access to the water. As nice as this place is, I am still very much a water baby.

 I'll be thankful for the good that's come this year and bring it with me into the new.

Be safe.


Happy New Year.

What I hope for Pup?. I hope that he finds someone who'll love him "...forever and ever... Amen"

I wouldn't mind having this myself.



.

My dad told me the story about a man and his son. 

The son was working at a boat yard. Everyday at lunch, the dad would bring them both something to eat. They'd go down to the dock, eat lunch, and talk.  He did this everyday his son was at work. Then Dad told me how the son came to work at that boat yard. The son had gotten in trouble at his previous job. It had to do with money. The Dad got him a job at the boat yard.  The boat yard was a family business. The owners were friends and had a big family. They just took the son and his father in as one more of their own.

And everyday the Dad went to see his son.  He couldn't always change the past, but he could keep him company in the present.

I always think on that whenever I see Pup. I think of God and of family and how lucky a person is to have a Father's love.

I think of this song too.




I don't understand my Mom so much. I try to but I don't. I think that she loves me. I think that she has a reason for why she does what she does.

I tell myself that I'm lucky to have a family at all and then I count my blessings.

I remind myself that "I'm strong."

And I tell myself how lucky I am to have Pup, a roof over my head, something good to do with my time, and that I have a church family to take me in.

My Mom, my Dad, Pup, WB, I'm -- we're still alive.

There's still time.

.



.

I love my Dad a lot. Thanks to him, I have this feeling that there are mountains to climb. I can climb them. For most of my life, my Mom told me that the reason why he never hugged my neck was his mother's fault. She was distant. They just weren't hugging people. I had to accept that and be glad for the relationship that I did have. The same story she told my son. So we believe it. That was until my brother married and he had kids. There Pup and I were watching my Dad hug my brother's neck, my sister in law's neck, and my brother's kid's neck. But Pup and I? There was that perfunctory hug and that was it. Stoic.

When dad finally emerged from being sick, I went to see him. He was still pretty out of it. It was before the therapy so his speech was slurred.  Out of the blue he hugged my neck and said, "I love you."  I was beside myself.  Later I would tell someone about that hug. Then I'd tell them that my brother needed my dad. That when he hugged my neck, I finally would be enough because I knew. I was tough and I was okay. The person I told this to looked down at the floor. She didn't say anything she just looked at me. "It's okay." I'm telling her. I'm strong like my father raise me to be.

"I'm strong."

Those are words that I've told myself over and over. When Mom lied. When my son died. When I was pretty sure that WB really didn't want me around? When we didn't have a church?  I told myself I was strong.

But everytime I said it, I little voice said, "That's not fair."

When WB used to stand me up and I forgave because after all that's the kind of relationships I would get?  I wonder. What if my my Mother had told me that my Dad didn't hug me because of his Mom but that didn't mean he couldn't hug me.  She did that for my brother, his wife, and his kids. But Pup and I? For some reason other folks would have to be our Dad and grandfather.

My son? He hugs people's neck and cares about them. When he has a daughter, he'll worry over her and she'll have a clue of what a healthy relationship looks like.

I made sure he knew how.

Hugs,

Author Anne.

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.

.

I predict

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Ah New Year's Eve.

If you've read this blog for any amount of time (or if you just happened to luck out and find it), you know how much I dis like Valentine's Day. This should have been viewed with a bit of quizzical curiosity.  One of the jobs that I liked the most was when I used to deliver singing telegrams dressed as Cupid. If you worked at it you might could find a photo of me dressed up in my work clothes. One of the columnists who worked for the local paper wrote about me and my business. The photo the paper took was excellent. There I was with bow and arrow with white satin wings and red tights.

The article talked about the life changes that led to my "life path".  


So what does that have to do with New Year's Eve?


New Years can be more than a gigantic party or a sit at home pity party. It is for a lot of people a time of reflection.  For many it's when you look back at your life and possibly say, "What the fcuk?"  and then promise yourself you'll change. For others, it's a time look back at the good and the bad of the previous year and decide what to bring to the new year and what to leave behind. And let's face it. The night can be an excuse to get down and get drunk. A great big excuse to act badly and then forget it. Kind of like Vegas.

A long time ago, I found myself at my parent's house sitting in bed with a bottle of wine and the radio. It wasn't my best day and I was feeling VERY sorry for myself. Then with great luck, diving inspiration and "Karma" said, "Why are you looking back and feeling sorry for yourself. You're too young. Write a list of all the thing that you've always wanted to do and then do it."

So I did.

I still have the list.

I'd have to go find it but if my memory is correct, the only three things that I haven't done on that list are:  see the Macy's Thanksgiving parade, learn to speak French, and celebrate NewYears in Times Square. Most of the things I did along time ago when I had the freedom to do so.  Some of the things that I've done have taken a long time (I'm looking at you sailboat). When Pup was growing up, there were things on that list that wasn't possible. I had responsibilities. New Years Eve and Thanksgiving only happen once a year. I did get the French books though.

I'd like to write here that I'll finally finish that list this year. It would be nice to write that this is the year that I'll learn French and book the hotel room for New Years and that Macy's parade. I'd like to  write that. Unfortunately the last 24 hours makes that look dicey.

If I had to predict what will happen in 2014, it would be something a bit less celebratory.

Last night, after telling myself and my parents all kinds of pretty stories about my relationship with WB, he told one of his own. I thought that it might have been the stress of work or the beer. Sometimes when it's been too much, we all say things that we wish we could put back in our mouths.  This morning it was still there and it wasn't the beer talking. He said the same thing only this time he was sober.

There's a lot that I've stopped doing in my life in order to be responsible. I've twisted my life and put the list I'd love to do away in the name of Responsibility.  Here in the twilight of winter, I see that day when I sat in the chair in the living room and said, "I don't want to continue this..." 

The difference is that I've learned how to come back to life...



List of things that I'm bring with me into the New Year.

1 Pup
2 The pups including the new dog
3 My church
4 volunteering at the church
5 (hopefully) volunteering at the animal shelter (I'm pretty good with dogs)
6 the sailboat
7 writing
8 hopefully a better relationship with my parents Lol last time when I sat in that chair and thought, "No more"? I went to my parents and asked if I could come visit. Life was tricky at the time. Mom always said that if I needed them I could come home. There I was in the den with Mom, Dad, Me and WB. WB was telling Mom he was okay if I came to visit them. She said no and sent me back. This weekend I told them and myself pretty stories about how everything was great. How lucky was I.
Guess that's one of the fiction stories I'm so great at telling. So as much as I hope that my parents and I will be great in 2014? She was so happy to have me somewhere else on Sunday that I'm guessing not. "Your family is with that church were you live."  No, Mom. My family? Is you and Dad and WB and my brother who you said was too busy to eat a Sunday meal with us. She's been pushing me away for my entire life and saying that it was my fault. It's not. Thing is that these people are my parents. They're supposed to be grown ups. They're the ones who were supposed to have been there.
Number 8? Before they die? I hope that I have a relationship where I'm sure that my parents actually want me around.
9 that list from a long time ago with other things added
10traveling. Part of my list was to travel I did.
11a phone call to one of the people on my previous list
12myself now. the one who would have been telling herself that it was all her fault. It's not.
13mycamera to record it
14my blogs to write about it
15the little flicker of life that was there that night on New Years. The little voice that said, "You can feel sorry for yourself or you can take control of your life and do something positive.
16My sanity and self worth and that other voice that says, "Toxic people aren't good for you. Go find the happy ones, the kind ones, and hope that they'll let you in."

There's more to this list.

From what I can tell WB's misery is of his own making. I wouldn't be surprised if he left.

As for 2014 and why I DON'T like Valentine's Day?

What does it have to do with New Years?

Because for a long time I've put that person. The one who loved her job. The one who got to make people happy? Has been locked in the box of Responsibility. Every New Year's day I let people put me there and then say terrible things about how lacking in this and that I was. I let them tell me that I was a fcuk up. Over and over and over.... 
I'm happy to say I'm not.
I'm happy.

:)

.

Lawdy ya'll. It's happened again.  Dear Person from Russia Who is Reading My Blog.


. I am NOT making fun of the head of a country.
  I am NOT making fun of the head of a country
  I am NOT making fun of the head of a country.\
  I am NOT making fun of the head of a country...

Heck

I will not make fun of the head of another country...


I am however not blind.

I said it before and I'll say it again.  V Putin is a hunk.



.I will not make fun of the head of another country...


http://12dotsandablot.blogspot.com/2013/10/i-will-not-make-fun-of-head-of-another.html


sigh

.

One way or the other.
Stray dog is definitely going to find his place "to be"

This is thanks to some really incredible people with very, very kind hearts.

I am so thankful to have met these people.

They have such kindness..


They've give their time to help others.

Such an optimistic thing to do.


Good people to know.



PS. Today, I got to make and eat lunch with my Mom, Dad, WB, and Pup. This coming week I get to bring order to chaos and spend time with Stray Dog and Pup. I'm really looking forward to it.

Happy rest of 2013.
Happy 2014

.

.

 

 

 

 

Golly, golly.

To say that the next couple of day will be busy is an understatement.


This past week has been about the pup. I don't mind because it was important. Now that he's (a bit more) settled, because today we spent with my folks, and because everything else was put on the back burner?  There are things to do.

Things like cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the kennels, exercising the pups, and washing the clothes that didn't get washed over the last couple of days. Honestly, I feel so much better about pup (and because I always feel much better with clean kennel, kitchens, and closets), I'm actually looking forward to sorting things in the house. Pups will help me with the pups. That will move things along. I'm also not going to have to cook for the next two days.  Have the shopping done for the New Years day meal so I'm not going to have to stop everything to go to the grocery.  The place that I'm volunteering at isn't open this week.

 Only thing to do now is concentrate on bringing order to chaos.

Whistle while you work...


By the by our menu for New Years day is kind of old school southern.




Baked ham

Black eyed peas

Collard Greens

Sweet Potatoes

Turnip roots

Cornbread Dressing

Fruit salad

Green Salad with Ranch Dressing

Cranberry sauce

Sweet honey mustard

Sweet Gherkins

Olives

Green onions

Martin's hot vegetable relish

Biscuits

Sweet Tea

Key Lime Pie

I know that this sounds like a lot of food for three people but it's not. 


A little of everything a lot of some.

Lots of collards

A little of the cornbread dressing

AND?

Enough for left overs.


Since we didn't cook for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I'm looking forward to New Years.

Happy New Year.


From

WB, Pup, me, and all the dogs here at Casa 12dots.








 



 

 

 

 

.



Dear God,


I need your help.

Please help me to find an excellent home for Stray Dog.


He's trying so hard to find a place to be. 

I understand that.

I can't keep him unless it's okay with WB.

They have very good points.

I just don't know how to do this.

Please help.

I need a sign of some kind so that I know he'll have a home.

Please.

Love,

Author Ann

PS.

Maybe you could change WB's mind.

We have a yard for him and a very good vet.

He trust me, God.

I don't want to break that trust.


Please.

.

.

Peace on Earth from somewhere in the American South.  Love WB, Pup, and me, AuthorAnn








PS.  Yesterday (and last week too) I found out that there are places and things that I do that give me the joy in my heart.  I am grateful to the people who allowed me into their world.  They have the best hugs.  From them I got the most wonderful of gifts:

Hope, Hugs, and Love.

I have people who know me now.  When I see them they say hello. Their kind hearts are like the porch lights left on for the traveler in the night.

And

They said that I can come back.

Last week I worked so hard that I couldn't even feel my feet. BUT  at the end of the week and the  beginning of this one, I was so happy. My heart was light as a feather.

I'm going back when the new year starts.

And the best news?


I'm eating Christmas dinner with my mom, my dad, Pup, WB, WB's mom, and maybe even my brother and his family.
We're going to cook and eat together.

Sunday I ate with my church family.

Friday?  I ate with my new friends.

I have seen true Christian kindness. 

Not the fake tv kind but the very human kind.

Next year? Me, the person who is infamous about her lousy cooking?

I'm going to learn how to feed people.

I can't tell you how happy that makes me..


Lol the only Southern Comfort in my life?

This kind





Hugs.. .





Now before anyone starts making ASSumptions about me and my being Southern.

You might want to know something about me.

I didn't volunteer there out of some cynical plan to be hip.

The church I volunteered at is historic for many reasons.

The people who I met there didn't take me in because of our sameness.

The people who I met there didn't take me in  because of our differences.

They didn't take me in because I was a Christian.

They wouldn't have kept me out because I wasn't.

They took me in because of their kindness.




We all hopefully will have some place where they'll take us in, even if it's in our imaginations.

The wellspring from where we come.

It could be anywhere in the world but it's the place that gives us a sense of belonging.

The family of mankind.



"...I have for years been looking for "home".
     Like a nomad I have roamed this Earth.
     No place for my feet to put roots.
     No place to lay my head to sleep
     No room in the inn..."


This week I had places to rest easy.

This week I felt agape.

It is the most wonderful thing.

Once you see happy like this?

You hope that everyone gets to see it.

Peace.


.
"There's just got to be some way for there to be one day of Peace for us here on Earth.  Some way for our children to know what that feels and sounds like."


Author Ann


.


.

Merry Christmas...    Merry Christmas...      Merry Christmas














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It's Christmas !!! A heart warming story about wishing for wings....

 

 

 

 

Dear Gentle Readers.

 

 

 

Happy holidays.

 

 

 

For us it's 

 

 

 

Merry Christmas.

 

 

 

Hope that you and yours have a great end of 2013 and a Happy New Year.

 

 

 

 

I don't know if I'll be posting anything new  in the next two weeks.

 

 

 

If so it will be here.

 

 

Many new things to write about but at the moment I'm in the middle of them.

 

 

If I'm not here?

 

 

I'll try to tweet about it.

 

 

 

In the mean time, I'd love to here from you Gentle Readers.

 

 

 

Comments are surely welcome.