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Every once in a while it's a good idea to get your head out of your butt.
Look around and see what's going on in the world maybe?
I just did.
Yikes.
.
Help. I'm in danger of killing this blog due to much introspection.
Ironic isn't it. It actually put me to sleep and I wrote it.
Three blog posts ago I was commenting about how writing was supposed to entertain.
Could I be this boring?
I think it's lack of sex.
Alot of lack of sex.
10 years a lack of sex.
This is now unhealthy and I'm in danger of growing an old, musty vagina.
What if it shrivels up due to lack of use.
I had an excellent first time. It was fantastic. But what if I really have been "re-virginated" due to lack of use. I was young. I could put my legs over my head. Lack of sleep wasn't an issue. What if this is some karmic payback for having a great time. Maybe I was supposed to have had a lousy first time and this is like a sexual "Jonah and the Whale" experience where God is saying, "Oh no you don't Missy. You're going to have that horrific "first time" like we planned for you. Non of that "whoop, whoop, yee haw" that you had before."
Not a good thing.
To make it worse, I watched a movie about being old this afternoon. In between "boohooing" it occured that I'm also really not sure about growing old. Do you have sex when you're old? I'm not sure I want to know this. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine. Fantasy. About sex. Say when I'm in my 60's and it scared me. I now know why old guys marry young women.
(and now I'm distracted by the idea)
I'm sorry but this isn't a good thing.
It's like imagining your grandma and grandpa having sex.
I have had sex on the back of a car. I danced naked in the middle of the road afterwards. I did have my tennis shoes and socks on but every thing else was "nekkid". It was raining. I remember looking up at the sky. Dark. The rain is coming down.
It was fantastic.
I had sex all weekend long.
I had sex in every room in the house and the back yard during daylight.
What happens now?
I don't want to go out with someone younger. It's not the same as for a guy. I don't think that guys worry about sagging things. They just seem to be in some kind of delutional happy place where they're sex gods. It's Viagra's fault. Have you ever seen a Viagra erection? I did once. I was scared to get anywhere near it because it looked like it might break off. God, I'm sorry but it scared the hell out of me.
I was celibate as a kind of protest against my situation but what happens if that was it. That brief moment of sexual abandon gone? Oh heck no.
I don't drink. To have sex again? I'll have to get so drunk that I'm about to pass out. No, it's not like riding a bicycle. My bicycle doesn't care if I can put my legs over some guy's shoulders. It doesn't care what my post pregnancy boobs look like. I don't want to be seduced. I don't want to be raped. I don't want to be drunk. Is there anyone on this planet who could even begin to be understanding of this. I know for a fact I can have sex with my clothes on but who the heck would want to.
Unless it were in an elevator.
What if it's not my writing that's boring. What if it's my life that's boring?
Ah f8ck.
I don't want to grow old like this.
I'm sorry but being celibate s*cks.
If this is the future? How did I get here and how do I get out?
Not a Mid-life crisis.
Sept 2,2010
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I don't even know what kind of music to put with this post.
Lemmie think on it.
Okay
Mr. Music Please...
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Click me http://12dotsandablot.blogspot.com/
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Sometimes I feel like I'm a tree in the forrest talking out loud. Like the friggin burning bush (someone is reading over my shoulder and just asked, "That's an STD isn't?" and then had the audacity to star laughing at my predicament. In a minute, they will probably start proof reading this for spelling errors. My life is laughable and they're proof reading.
ReplyDeleteI am a Sad Panda.
I have to go watch Dick Figures on Youtuby quick.
Saaaaaaaaadddd Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnda.
Sob. Wheeze, Boo hoo. Shart.
Now they're not only correcting my spelling, they are trying to write me blog.
Really really really really REALLY Sad Panda.
My life is pathetic but this blog post is actually pretty good.
Audience just used BIG word. I can't spell it - shut up person reading over my should. I KNOW that you are a Happy Smart Panda but it you keep this up I'm going to add another adjective to the list and YOU will become Happy Smart Azz Panda.
Because I said so.
And noooww
The time has come to go to sleep
Good night.
Goodnight
Goooooooooodddddd NNNNNiiiiggggghhht.
Lol Person reading over my shoulder known still as HApppy Smart Azz Panda just reminded me of great video..
Fork in the Garbage Disposal Dance AkA Yes dance
Click the title of this blog and I'll post link.
I'm sooo tired.
...
... No not depressed, just tired. Long day.
lyrics to New Radical's song
ReplyDeleteWake up kids
We've got the dreamers disease
Age 14 we gotyou down on your knees
So polite, you're busy still saying please
Fri -enemies, who when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash theirMercedes - Benz
First we run and then we laugh till we cry
But when thenight is falling
And you cannot find the light
If you feel your dream isdying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've gotthe music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don'tgive up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget you only get what yougive
Four a. m. we ran a miracle mile
Were flat broke but hey we do it instyle
The bad rich
God's flying in for your trial
This whole damnworld can fall apart
You'll be ok follow your heart
You're in harmsway
I'm right behind
Now say youre mine
Fly high
What's realcan't die
You only get what you give
Just dont be afraid toleave
Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computercrashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion magshoots
With the aid of 8 dust brothers Beck, Hanson
Courtney Love andMarilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Comearound
We'll kick your ass in!
Don't let go
One danceleft
{unsaid lyrics from liner}
Championed by a soulless mediamisleading
People unaware they're bleeding
No one with a brain isbelieving
It's so sad you lost the meaning
Never knew it anyway
Humannatures so predictable
I'm a fool to do your dirty work whoa, whoa
source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/yougetwhatyougivelyrics.html
Gonna' tuck this here.
ReplyDeleteDoubt if anyone will read or even cares.
"...bread and circuses...."
I think that people who are young will take the reference to be to The Hunger Games.
I'm older than this popular culture. My references are long time gone as well as today.
For this reference you must go to Rome.
Ancient Rome.
I'm sitting here trying to look out of my window but it's blocked. But in my mind's, eye, I can see a sunny day in May or a bitter cruel winter in January.
"Two haikus of life.
Both of a season.
One rich with the reds and gold of summer.
Warm and full of life.
Flowers at their pinnacle of fragrance.
Or the sound of the sea and the life there.
The smell of salt.
For others, the hella heat of the pavement.
The waves of it distorting the view.
It provides the illusion of mirages of cool water.
Which in fact doesn't exist.
Never did.
The mercy of someone.
Something that gives us shelter.
With my shades drawn.
With my mind's eye open.
I can see our saving grace.
Hope and the optimism that each morning brings us the optimism of change.
Bread and Circuses.
.December 1, 2013
for my sons
c ann ford.
And yes, it is me.
Lol, Honestly, you are the less anal version of a relative of mine. Like them you worry too much. Unlike them, you do it in a way that is almost, almost, angelic. I don't have the same opinion of angels as on the cards. To me, you are more the vision that I have of them. Transparent and not of the earth you are more of the air.
The life of angels here in this plane is difficult. I do believe that they should, no they must, leave for the Heavens on a regular basis lest the pragmatic nature turns to the cynic.
But then for all the kindness? I think that there is too much fearful in you.
Bread and Circuses is all you know.
Your only defense.
You have no other way of dealing with this life.
No shoulder to the plow with ead down moving through the tragic life.
Instead you allow the illusions.
You entertain your self with the life of others.
When a footballer is hit full on with the furry of another, you say, "I did this thing.
The sadness is that you didn't.
You don't have a clue of the sting of it.
Bread and circuses is how you fight the good fight.
:(
Hugs and hope that I am wrong.
:)
.
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Play the first video above now.
ReplyDeleteAnd then?
Live life now and Blog Stupid.
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For the record? It's more like 13 years of no sex.... Good Lardy it's cold ...
ReplyDelete