Friday, February 25, 2011

Relentlessly happy and optimistic...and grateful of all the joy depite the pain



PS (there's always a PS)



I saw dad and got hug. I've been around him for alot of things. It's good to get a hug.


Well today I saw my son. He and WB have been holding down the fort while I've been seeing about dad. Most of our interactions have been a hug or a quick hello while I was either going to or coming from seeing dad in the hospital or now in rehab. I told dad about Pup. Told him how lucky I've been to have a great son. This morning I realized yet again how lucky I am. We are definately from my Dad's side of the family.

Today while we were talking the subject of his future came up - wait before I write one more word, I should write this. One of the reasons why I love my son is very simple. He has a good heart and he has a wonderful sense of humour. He can make folks laugh and get his point across. In an off hand comment while we were having the serious discussion of what he'd like to do in his life, the subject of Steven Wright and his humor came up. Then my son said something that somehow expressed why I love him so and made me laugh.

"Mom, I want to become a geneticist so I can change hearts and minds."

While I'm sure that he doesn't have an interest in genetics? It was the best wordplay I'd heard all morning.

He's interested in science and history. I get that but it's the word play and today's conversation about law and current events that keeps hope alive in my heart that somehow he'll end up becoming a lawyer and then end up on the US Supreme Court. His briefs would be full of funny and inciteful writing. He's able to not only see the road behind him but is able to see the road ahead.

And most important to me he has love of his fellow man because when he laughs and speaks it comes from not from some cold political calculation. It doesn't come from some shallow reaction to the world. It doesn't come from want to be the center of attention. It comes from his good heart.

It comes from his love of his fellow men and women.

I'm a lucky, lucky person.

There's wild angels in this world. People who regardless of where they come from are in their hearts good. They've looked after my father when he was a kid. They saw his good heart. Those same angels have looked after me and they look out after my son too. I think they lookout for all of us Even when all looks lost and there's no hope we are never alone. Still your mind. Listen to your heart. There's where you will hear the voice of the Heavens.

Hugs to you all.

Wild Angels



Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Maybe life is gooder than you think

After today?  After reading my horoscope?  I honestly think that I was adopted. Yep, I was adopted and they didn't record my real birthday. Nothing about my horoscope or my life screams, "You are loved and your horoscope will happen." Not that I believe in horoscopes but still, nothing.

I'm thinking that it's finally time to come out of my closet.

Yes, folks. I am a well adjusted grown up.  An adult who is frankly sick to death of all my family's draaaahhhhmmaaa.  Today my mom anounced that she's the responsible mom. "Good for you." I say.  My brother anounces that he's the responsible person and care giver. "Good for you. " I say. I'm not sure what my sister-in-law is going to say. See my mom maybe the mom and my brother may feel like the responsible care giver but the reality of all this is that it's my sister in law who'll actually have to chauffer my mom and dad about to doctors etc while my brother is at work.  Please don't yell at me. I offered. Honest to God I did. I've been at the hospital. Called for information. Was up at 4 on the road by 5. Drove 3 hours one way to hospital and back. When no one called to let me know that they moved my father. I said, "Okay." I slept in the waiting areas or didn't sleep. Foraged for food in the vending machine. All the while I waited for word of how my dad was or tracked him down because the rest of the world expected my family to let me know when he moved from one part of the hospital to the other but they didn't I was a good daughter even when the rest of my family wasn't very nice. I'd take the high road while I heard about how great my brother is even when he didn't call and tell me that my dad was not only in the hospital but unconscious for three days and had been put in ICU. Then I was told he might die. The reason for not telling me? They didn't want me to worry and hey he may have been unconscious for three days but he was okay.

I did this because I love my dad AND?

Because I am a responsible adult.

I'm going to believe them when they say they've got it covered. I'm going to say to myself, "Hey. Don't sweat it. If they don't want help. Well okay. Instead of the responsible adult? I'm going to be the adult responsible for fun."   So that's what I'm going to do. I like the city that he's in.  I can go see him anytime I want. I'm taking him treats. I can sleep in my own bed and I don't have to wake up at 4 in the morning and drive like crazy in morning traffic. I can sleep in. Unlike in the ICU, he can have flowers in his room. He can have cards and photos. Instead of the worry of watching him in therapy? I get the fun of dad outside of therapy which is pretty good because that means I get the fun dad. I get to spoil him rotten.

My dad's alive and he's getting his therapy. Everyone is working very hard and I get to see him everyday AND I get to visit my favorite city. ;D

I offered to help and they said no so what's a responsible adult supposed to do?

Have fun and spoil my dad.

Sounds good to me.



The Adult Responsible For Fun.



We all bleed red...


Dear Dad,

I have something to tell you. There you are sitting not 10 feet from me and I can't say this because? I don't know. Mom is flitting around you like a hummingbird. I have been trying to put myself in her place. You almost died. Just that fact is overwhelming. She's trying her best to mother you. To make sure you are okay. Problem is- well that's not a problem is it. Having someone to care if you live or die. We should all be so lucky. You and I have both known times when we didn't think that anyone gave a dam. Having someone who loves you and worries over you is pretty good.

The thing I had to tell you?

I love you. Hang in there. It will be okay. I promise you it will be okay.


Your daughter.

PS No matter where we are in this world, I am so grateful for you. I wouldn't be on this Earth without you. I wouldn't know how to be stronger than the things life gives you. Thanks to you I have good sense. The faith that I can go out on that great big water in that tiny little boat.