Saturday, April 9, 2011


Some call it destiny.

I call it "Waiter. There's a red herring in my soup."



G'nught ya'll.

Off the clock until Monday,


Looking forward to hearing this on the country stations.

However I am not holding my breath.



Also looking forward to Southeast Engine (1933 The Great Depression)

And Doctor Dogg (Stranger)

Then there's this one by Jessica Lea Mayfield

(think  Loretta Lynn)

No. I don't think that's going to happen either.


I am going to ask,"You ever hear of The GoGos." after hearing this song

The GoGo's Vacation

Or Head Over Heels (also The GoGos)

BRB Gonna go find the Bangles...


But, so the story goes, a Selkie wife will not forget her husband and children and can be seen swimming close to the shore watching over them.


I wanted to call "her" the Bonnie Nell.

After the lady who sold her to me. Her name was Nell and even after all the terrors that had happened to her some how she was still "bonnie".

I tried to be faithful to the name. It made sense. It was a good name for anything or anyone. But one day I heard another name.

Suddenly the good sense and the sturdy ways washed away leaving a new sound from very far away. With eyes as deep as the ocean and a heart full of love for the sea, I saw her. After years of being on the dry, dry, earth, she seemed to burst free from her clay shoes and leap up into the air only to disappear into the water below.

Last I saw her she was skimming like a bird over the ocean.



Not to be over dramatic or anything but the legends surrounding this name --

Today's horoscope suks.

So wrote my own.


Today's horoscope suks.

So wrote my own.

Now if you'll excuse me? I hear machinery whirring outside my front door. Don't remember talking to anyone about whirring or machinery outside my front door.

Putting on bathrobe and going outside to investigate.

Happy reading,


Friday, April 8, 2011



Welcome to 12dots and a blot

This is my writer's blog

Fact and fiction co exist here.

If you don't know which is which.

Please don't ASSume.







If you have this?

Why are you unhappy?



Dear Person Who I Think Might Be Reading My Blog Who I Don't Actually Know But Who I Think I Might,

You and I need to have a talk.

Look, you've been given such a gift in your life. I know that there's been parts that were messed up but now just look around you. Seriously. Take minute and look around you right were you are?  What do you see? Can you see some good around you or inside yourself that others should see?

If you do?

Smile and take joy in the fact that you are so lucky. If you don't? Fix it. Right now. Even if you don't feel like it look around and smile to your self. Especially if there's someone who might could use that minute of "sunshine" in their life. Hugs someone if it's okay. Nod and say, "Hello." Find a flower and give it to someone. Hold the door open for an old person.

Yes, be a friggin' Boy or Girl Scout.

There are times when that one smile might be the difference between hope and dispair in another person's life.

You and I both know that moment and how important that can be.

Don't be a miser with this knowledge.

Now look there next to you.

See the world as it can be.

I'm sorry to be so bossy but -well - I think you just momentarily forgot to breath.



Dear Person Who Writes the Horoscopes,



This is to let you  know that  I am perfectly happy and whole at the moment. The LAST thing I want is to have to do is use persuasion to get anyone to like me.

People either like me or they don't. 

I find that this is a great way to live because if folks are there because they like you and want to be there?
They'll be with you through good or bad time.

The ones that you have to twist in to "pretzels" for will leave in a heart beat.

Those folks just aren't worth the effort.

Makes me sad to think that people read these horoscopes and plan their lives around it.


Here's Your Sign.

To the folks who read this blog? I'm happy to have readers.

Rock on.


PS Don't need a horoscope to tell me that I'm lucky.

Have already found that out.

I've been in that place where I didn't think anyone gave a crap.

Sat in that waiting area thinking that my dad would die and never know that I loved him.

I've placed my faith in people who'd try to make me feel as if I weren't worth anything.

Thinking if I just tried harder to convince them of my worth as a person they'd say, "Welcome."

Not any more.

 My dad's okay. He loves me and when folks try to send me on my way he tells me to stay put.

WB's more than happy to sail on my boat and Pup?

Pup's there with a  big ole' heart and a hug.

None of them have to be convinced to be here.

LOL With as many times as I've kicked the stall door,  I'm surprised to see that they stayed.

For all that I've found that your friends are your friends cause they want to be.


I'm the luckiest person on this Earth.


Horoscope for everyone this day?
May you live longer than the day you find out who your friends really are.

Now that is lucky.



Thursday, April 7, 2011



It has penguins.

It has The  Beatles.

It has penguins.

I like penguins.

So ?

That's why.






One more time.

This is a writer's blog.

I write stuff.

Fact and fiction co exist here.

If you don't know the difference?

Do not ASSume.





In a startling turn of events we have what might be (in our minds) a scoop.

It may be that the future Ms. Princess has yet to --

we just can't believe this-

We'll the question is has she been to the royal - uh - ?.

Don't want to be crude or cruel but ya' know this is the royal wedding and there are rules.



We were justs wonderinggggg.



well you know



Long time ago,  I had a friend who had a friend who was full of fun facts about the Charles and Diana wedding. One of those facts was that the future Princes Di's shoes could only be so high. 

.Why do they do that anyway?


Why I'm not doing Interactive Blogs here or much really good writing..

Because for two years I wrote EVERY DAY over on the 12 dogs blog without so much as a George Washington or a Benjamin Franklin. I did it for the love of writing and to get my writer's voice people.

And then.

I think I got ripped off by somone.

Someone who might have actually gotten a job in writing because of it.

Meanwhile here I sit in my tshirt and not much else depressed because !)I'v not gotten any commerative things from the upcoming Royal wedding, 2) Even though I actually have royal heritage (somewhere)  I've been disinherited 3) my invitation to this wedding has yet to arrive which is a bummer because I've already picked out a good pair of jean and washed behind my ears for this thing and 4) I'd cleaned up the "royal yacht" for the voyage across the Atlantic (can't afford the airfare or hotel fees so I thought I take the boat)

I'm just utterly depressed about it all so it's not easy to write.



OH CRAP . Update, Update, Update.


In what surely might cause an upset in the Royal Wedding plans, news here at 12 dots wedding central is that Prince Harry (nice guy and all round royal stud muffin) is stuck in the Artic. At first we were okay with that because we thought they meant Antartica and we were going to try very hard to get him to see our blog so that (finally) we could have views from every continent in the world but then we saw it was just the Artic and we were like, "Oh hey, we've already got Canada -" 

But then we thought about it and it was like, "OMG, he's stuck in the Artic? What if he's cold or worse yet - what if he misses the wedding???"

Also I'd very much like one of those Kat and Harry Royal Wedding Commerative PEZ dispensers  to go with my Charles and Diana commerative plate.

So you can see we've got some really serious news to discuss.

And as you can see from this video? Lyle Lovett looks just like Prince Harry might should he be stuck out in the Artic with wet hair, stuck without a boat or a pony, and wondering how he was going to get to his brothers wedding.


Must be over 21 to view.


Somewhere on this blog there's a Youtube video of Robin Williams talking about Viagra.

I can't put it here because I might get in trouble.

I will say that it's so blue that it's almost Navy.

It's so blue it makes Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor look pastel.

I can however post this video:


Also on today's blog? According to my Royal Wedding counter, it's now 21 days until the Royal nuptuals. How lovely.

Hip, hip hurrah! Viagra for everyone!

Happy looking.


Okay that's it. 

I've had it with my "Oh-the-horror"scope. It's NEVER right. Not ever.  Can't be the only one who has this problem and I have a birth certificate. I'm a fiction writer. I create whole made up worlds. So starting this minute? I'm writing my own "horror"scope column.

(For legal reasons, I'm supposed to tell you that this is for entertainment purposes only.)

Also I'm making up my own signs.

Today's "horror"scope.

If you were born on this day you are born under the sign of  a  Water Buffalo's Butt.

You think that Rickie Fowler wearing his fruit loop colored cap backwards is the reason why the economy is in the toilet. Those colors should only be on women from Palm Beach who wear Lilly Pulitzer florals. You don't care that Tiger had affairs. You do care that that punk wears his hat backwards. You also voted Republican but think that Glenn Beck is an idiot. Your kids hate you but only after you pay for their apartment not before and your wife is a trophy.

You also say you love golf but actually you detest the game. You only play because you are a snob. The good news (for you anyway) is that no one cares because you've got more money than God and you know it.

For those not born today?

This is your life.

Kind of.

If you were born in the month of January, you have headaches and penis envy. Actually you envy everything because January is a crappy month to be born in.  The weather's crap. Everyone, including your family, spent their money on you during Christmas and now, since their credit card bills are coming in are spending the month lecturing you on fiscal responsibility. Every four years people get happy or unhappy because someone they voted for or didn't vote for gets swarn in as President.  The weather can  be really bad and no one except Stinky comes to your birthday party.

Life sucks.

Your sign? The Platapus cause you are one mixed up kid whose parents had sex because there was a blizzard and nothing on tv.

Born in the month of February? You are either a romantic or a misogynistic jerk. Every four years women who still know this stuff run around embarassing their commitphobic boyfriends (or girl friends) by asking them to marry them. Since they are commitment phobs they head for the nearest exit.  Every year you think about buying flowers but decide to save the money for breast implants.

You are born under the sign of the  Beaver and you spend all day in a crappy job and all night playing Angry Birds. No hope. Find another hobby cause that game is addictive. :(  Find another job cause you need therapy. Until then there may be hope at Angry Birds Addition Anon. It meets in the basement of the community center. If you hurry you can still get a table next to the back door.

If you are born in the month of March you are born under the sign of the Angry Small breasted Tit Mouse.  Your chest is tiny and you throw like a girl.  Abandon hope and go get addicted to Angry Birds. That way you can go to the Angry Birds Addiction Anon with the Beavers and possibly get a social life. I'm sorry that you are so angry but I think that those Beavers might have the name of a good plastic surgeon. Your to do list should read like this:

Down load Angry Birds
Get addicted to Angry Birds
Go to Angry Birds Addiction Anon
Get them to tell you the name of a really good plastic surgeon. They've done research.
Get the surgery (good news is that people under this sign spent their time with no social life but with good jobs like statisticians and actuaries. You  may not have a social life but you can already afford the plastic surgery. Get the boob job. Then?

Get the heck out of Angry Birds Addiction Anon cause they have no social life and you now have the boobs of a Goddess.

Hip hurray.

April?  If you are born in April you are a Water Buffalo Butt and already know what's going to happen. I suggest you seek out someone born in March before they get the boob job and become a b9tch. Hurry.

Born in May?

May babies. OMG May babies.

If you are born in May? You are a bull. A Scottish stud. There are videos made about you and women fall at your feet.



You drink a liter of ginger ale followed with a Mento's chaser and tell your mom that you've got projectile vomiting.

Small print but very important note from lawyers. Please don't try this at home. You might puke out your nose and that can't be good.
Thank you.

If you are born in June you were born under the sign of  the Airtraffic Controller Who Fell Asleep At His Job. This is because your mother wasn't smart enough to have sex in September or have a C section in May so that you too might be a sexy, late night talk show host. Face it. You're boring. Nothing to do but try to stay awake and not crash the airplanes. I hear eating rainbow Skittles and drinking Grande Latte Starbucks helps. You should also think about joining online Weight Watchers because those Grande Lattes have lots of calories and well you do spend your days and nights either asleep or at the computer. Not much exercise. Sorry.

Note; There is an exception. One person born in the month of June who is exempted from being born under the sign of the Airtraffic Controller Who Fell Asleep At His Job. This person takes being a Ahole to a whole nother level so I have had to stop time and put him in his own horroscope sign.

He alone is born under the sign of the Hee Haw Jack Ass. Because he is. He'll think this is a compliment. But it's not.

I'm going to be nice to the folk who are born in July and say that they're born under the sign of the Fire cracker Smokin' Hot Babe. I'm doing this because I was so mean in the month of June.

So July? Like May? You are as hot as your month. Go forth and become a Sports Illustrated Cover Model or if you are a guy? A Gynocologist.

You don't have to thank me. Just sit there an breath.

August, August August.   You are born under the sign of the Marriage Counselor so that you can help my friend out through their divorce and not charge them an "arm and a leg" to do so. So you'll know, they don't want to be counseled on how to save the  marriage; they want to know how to get divorced without "killing" each other during the process. You can also be born under the sign of the Really Good Divorce Attorney.

People who are born in September are born under the sign of Paula Deen and you get to go with her an help her cook on Craig Ferguson's show. You do such a great job that, much to the relief of your parents, you take that English Lit Major from Columbia and get a real live job as an intern on  The Late Late Show. You become a show runner. Then you get a job as a producer for a wildly successfull sitcom . Then another. Your first sitcom will go into sydication and it's lead star will go nuts so,  no matter that you're probably trying to cut costs, everyone thinks the guy is nuts so you get to fire him and enact some long lost merky clause that says he gets fired and can't collect his residual check. Did I say you were born under the sign of Paula Deen?  I was wrong. You are actually born under the sign of Chuck Lorre.  You're not exactly beloved by the fans of 3 and 1/2 men but the Big Bang Theory and Mike and Molly fans love you and live for your "words of wisdom" at the end of the show.

May the Swartz be with you.

That should probably make up for the fact that your birthday is also in the same month as the beginning of the school term and the ending of Summer. I didn't do it.

October you get one of the coolest months to have a party. Because of that you are born under the sign of the proverbial Bat Out of Hell. You get to dress up in costumes like Batman or a transvestite and nobody gets upset. You get to bob for apples at your party. You get to bob for beers and boobs at your party. You are in fact party central and everyone is wanting to come to your 21st birthday party so that they can basically smoke, drink and fool around dressed like Little Red Ridinghood. If you don't have a good time at your birthday? You're an idiot and deserve to spend life under a dark cloud of doo.  Yes I said "...doo..." originally I was going to type "...doom..." but changed my mind because the idea of a "...dark cloud or doo..." was really interesting.

November? If you're born in November you are born under the sign of Martha Stewart and your mother more than likely suffers from either OCD or  is neurotic.  Everything must be perfect and  you must wear a tie because well that's how it is. The turkey at your Thanksgiving was raise in Vermont in a stress free environment where it ran, cavorted, and was talked to  sweetly right up to the minute the farmer said, "Here turkey, turkey." while holding an evironmentally correct  axe behind his or her back. Then whack that farmer cuts that turkey's head off and then handed quietly  to a nice man from across the border. He does this  quietly because the farmer doesn't speak the same language as that other nice man. Plus the farmer is one of them hippy Democrats that Glenn Beck use to yell about over on Fox News before he got -- before he left. You hate the fact that your sister gets to go to the Virgin Islands on a sailboat while you the good son go home for the hollidays. You spend 3 days in the "deerwoods" and one day in hell with the wife, kids, and your parents. You hate your Uncle Bud the liberal. You can't even talk politics with you mom and dad because the next words you hear is, "So? Did you shoot Bambi yet?". You tell people  you think your sister's a flake but in actuality? You dont' say this because she's a flaming Liberal but you say it because you hate having the "stick up your butt". 

Your sister finds her holiday cheer from that fact. :)

Happy Thanksgiving.

Remember how I changed my mind?  Earlier? In September?  When I said that people who are born in September are born under the sign of Paula Deen?  Well part of that was because it made more sense to have Paula Deen be the sign for December. She just looks like someone who'd love the month. And she loves to cook because people who are born in December LOVE to eat. You get Birthday presents AND Christmas presents. Sure the reality is that you may get two crappy presents instead of one really good Christmas gift and one really good birthday gift but hey you're born under the sign of Paula Deen. Your mom isn't neurotic. She's joyful or drunk on fruit cake. 

Your born under the sign of Paula Deen. Woman can cook AND she knows Tv's Craig Ferguson. This  leads you to getting to meet Craig Ferguson and get your picture made with him and a hug. She calls people "pumpkin".. Now if that's not an awesom Christmas/ birthday gift? 

You're an idiot.

Happy "horror"scope.



Sigh, Welcome to 12 dots and a blot


This is 12 dots and a blot.

It's a writer's journal.

The whole point is about writing.

Fact and fiction llive here.

If you don't know which is which?

Please dont' ASSume.



The writer.


Camera obscurea

The camera obscura (Latin; "camera" is a "vaulted chamber/room" + "obscura" means "dark"= "darkened chamber/room") is an optical device that projects an image of its surroundings on a screen. It is used in drawing and for entertainment, and was one of the inventions that led to photography.

from Wikipedea


Camera obscura



Someone's livin' my life for me
Someone I can't see.
Didn't ask them to
And I'd like to know why
That they're out there livin' my life...."    

tuba solo

"...I was sitting here wondering how in the world they ever came up with the concept of the 7 Eleven and Glenn Beck. It's like some kind of cynical "mean girl" kick me joke. All that "wind them up and send them out into the world" tee heeing and "Big Gulp" logic. Then a bell when off and I had to get up and get the ice cream out of the microwave. Bluebell Homemade vanilla incase you were wondering. By the time I sat down? There was nothing left to wonder about...."


They Fired Blenn Beck? And Other Really Short Stories About Being ....

by c anne ford 4/7/11
all rights reserved  by the author


Thanks to Twitter and @mimetska

worth a look

Camera Obscura. All the news that's fit to puzzle over - maybe.


Stand by for news......

Important stuff first.

For Big Daddy

and his rolling "stones"


(Don't over think it...)


(For the folks who must think it's Christmas...)

Entertainment, Department of Political Commentators...

 Here I thought that it was supposed to be all about the news. Who knew?

(LOL. 5 points extra if you get this one Gentle Readers. Might not be everyone's cuppa "tea". That's a hint.)

Sun is up. Day is good. I'm feeling 10 feet tall and frankly don't give a ...

Hugs and take care,

Something for the road...

Travis Tritt - Ten Feet Tall And Bulletproof (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Travis Tritt

for answers? see comments


Monday, April 4, 2011


So I was sitting here thinking that my life was very boring and guess what it is kind of but amongst all the boring there is this one teany, tiny ray of hope

Oh my mom is going to be soooooo proud of this post.


Lewd, crude, but definately human...


So I'm sitting here, finally have my laptop out.

I'm in a lovely cool place. The people are nice. It's quiet in a good way and guess what --

I have to pee.
I'm sorry to be so crude but it's true and highly annoying. The nearest place to go is in another part of the building and there's no one here to watch my stuff while I'm gone.

So here I sit waiting to see if this is something that my bladder can ignore or if it's going to turn into the emergency pee that will have me making a hasty packing up of back pack and  mad dash around the corner, down the stairs, around the corner, and hopefully not waiting in line.

At this moment there are  people who are gainfully employed and who do not have this problem. Sure they may be in a meeting but that's okay because they'll have their cellphones on "stun gun" and their "this is a very serious situation that requires my complete attention" face on as they run out the door to the potty or a smoke. They'll be reading to take their briefcase/messenger bag/ back pack with them because if they're lucking? After the restroom break they can just keep on going out the door into what remains of a pretty good weather day.

Not me. 
I just sit here writing this and hoping that it's distracting enough and that my bladder is big enough (or my jeans are loose enough) that this problem will somehow go away.
So far? Not good.

This morning I woke up at 3:30 with the same problem (the peeing) but not the same problem (this time I didn't want to wake up) hoping for the same solution. It would seem that I took off my socks and watch while I was waiting. I don't remember why because I was half asleep while I was doing it. I do know that I spent the next hour kind of asleep with my hands clenching both the watch and the socks. I was trying very hard to think dry thoughts but that was about it.
Some will call this destiny.
I will call it a hopefully forgettable problem.
I did meet some nice people today

and my foot itches

and I just made gas.