Wednesday, January 1, 2014

No I don't protest too much. I honestly don't like this person. I don't want to be on his radar.

He is and in my opinion always will be a jerk.

I don't think or wonder about his life at all.


 Was really looking forward to working out at the lake. Finally things are moving along and there will be a boat ramp to use this spring.  Then?  I got the email that SB will be coming to work too.

I'm not looking forward to this.

I plan to work hard and fast and avoid him like I would avoid a plague.

He's a jerk.  I rarely honestly dislike people but this person I can never hear of and be happy.

So Santa or Mr. Blueberry?  If you have something for him to do every Saturday for the next two months? Something to do in another state? I would honestly be happy.

 I promise to work hard and have fun. This isn't a live lesson about working around people who you don't like. He's better off doing anything other than being at that lake.



Happy New Year.

Thank the Lord above, there was a sale at the shoe store and I bought not one but two pairs of rubber boots. After weeks of wet cold feet? My toes are tapping.  Also, I now own an orange sweat shirt that will let folks know that I'm a dear not a deer, a pair of red shoes to wear around the house, a scarf to keep me warm, and socks.  I am very happy about all this.

You will never believe what happened last night.

I missed the midnight.

Yesterday  (after writing on the blog) , I spent the afternoon moving dog kennels, cleaning dog kennels, moving chick yard, moving chickens, exercising dogs, working with Stray Dog (who now has a real name and not the Stray Dog name), and then getting the dinner...  by 9pm?  I was just too tired and decided to take a nap. A nap that went through midnight and until 7:30am this morning.

Pup stayed up to watch the NYC celebration and then went to sleep.

For the first time in years, there was no ringing of the chime at midnight, there wasn't any recitation of the Preamble nor the First Amendment, no Auld Lang Sine,  or lighting of a candle.

If anyone came to my gate? Only the porch light was on.

I was asleep.

This was good because today was spent running errands and exercising Stray Dog. We did eat traditionally (black eyed peas, collards, rice, etc.) but there was also pizza. Then was the washing of the clothes.  It's warmed up from the freezing rain but it's still gloomy. The weather report is that it will clear tomorrow but will start raining. I just got the email that Saturday is a work party.

That doesn't include the extra time that will be spent working with stray dog. Domi is furious. She keeps her eyes glued to the window when I'm working with the new guest.  I'm giving her extra attention but I'm not sure if it's helping. J has taken to his dog bed in despair. Sometimes- I think that I live with drahhmah queens instead of pups.

I needed the rest.

Not the day that I'd planned but not too bad either.

Oh and guess what?

I found the list, The list that I wrote many many years ago!!!  I had a few things that I'd forgot and a few more to cross of the list.


Again, Happy New Year.

Author Anne


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year.

Hope that all the readers here have a safe evening and that they get to spend it with the people who they love.

There's a tradition in Scotland. Something about the first visitor you have in the New Year.

Tonight, very much like Christmas at midnight, I'll stand on my stoop and read the Preamble and the First Amendment.  I'll say a thank you that I'm American. I'll give thanks that I have the freedom to choose to believe or not to believe without the government's intervention.

Then I'll sing

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne* ?
For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

Then like the idiot I am, I'll look at the gate and hope for company.

Go inside when none shows up and go to bed.

I'll remember to be thankful that I have a healthy Pup, a place for him, myself, and the pups. I'll be thankful that this year I have access to the water. As nice as this place is, I am still very much a water baby.

 I'll be thankful for the good that's come this year and bring it with me into the new.

Be safe.

Happy New Year.

What I hope for Pup?. I hope that he finds someone who'll love him "...forever and ever... Amen"

I wouldn't mind having this myself.

My dad told me the story about a man and his son. 

The son was working at a boat yard. Everyday at lunch, the dad would bring them both something to eat. They'd go down to the dock, eat lunch, and talk.  He did this everyday his son was at work. Then Dad told me how the son came to work at that boat yard. The son had gotten in trouble at his previous job. It had to do with money. The Dad got him a job at the boat yard.  The boat yard was a family business. The owners were friends and had a big family. They just took the son and his father in as one more of their own.

And everyday the Dad went to see his son.  He couldn't always change the past, but he could keep him company in the present.

I always think on that whenever I see Pup. I think of God and of family and how lucky a person is to have a Father's love.

I think of this song too.

I don't understand my Mom so much. I try to but I don't. I think that she loves me. I think that she has a reason for why she does what she does.

I tell myself that I'm lucky to have a family at all and then I count my blessings.

I remind myself that "I'm strong."

And I tell myself how lucky I am to have Pup, a roof over my head, something good to do with my time, and that I have a church family to take me in.

My Mom, my Dad, Pup, WB, I'm -- we're still alive.

There's still time.



I love my Dad a lot. Thanks to him, I have this feeling that there are mountains to climb. I can climb them. For most of my life, my Mom told me that the reason why he never hugged my neck was his mother's fault. She was distant. They just weren't hugging people. I had to accept that and be glad for the relationship that I did have. The same story she told my son. So we believe it. That was until my brother married and he had kids. There Pup and I were watching my Dad hug my brother's neck, my sister in law's neck, and my brother's kid's neck. But Pup and I? There was that perfunctory hug and that was it. Stoic.

When dad finally emerged from being sick, I went to see him. He was still pretty out of it. It was before the therapy so his speech was slurred.  Out of the blue he hugged my neck and said, "I love you."  I was beside myself.  Later I would tell someone about that hug. Then I'd tell them that my brother needed my dad. That when he hugged my neck, I finally would be enough because I knew. I was tough and I was okay. The person I told this to looked down at the floor. She didn't say anything she just looked at me. "It's okay." I'm telling her. I'm strong like my father raise me to be.

"I'm strong."

Those are words that I've told myself over and over. When Mom lied. When my son died. When I was pretty sure that WB really didn't want me around? When we didn't have a church?  I told myself I was strong.

But everytime I said it, I little voice said, "That's not fair."

When WB used to stand me up and I forgave because after all that's the kind of relationships I would get?  I wonder. What if my my Mother had told me that my Dad didn't hug me because of his Mom but that didn't mean he couldn't hug me.  She did that for my brother, his wife, and his kids. But Pup and I? For some reason other folks would have to be our Dad and grandfather.

My son? He hugs people's neck and cares about them. When he has a daughter, he'll worry over her and she'll have a clue of what a healthy relationship looks like.

I made sure he knew how.


Author Anne.




I predict


Ah New Year's Eve.

If you've read this blog for any amount of time (or if you just happened to luck out and find it), you know how much I dis like Valentine's Day. This should have been viewed with a bit of quizzical curiosity.  One of the jobs that I liked the most was when I used to deliver singing telegrams dressed as Cupid. If you worked at it you might could find a photo of me dressed up in my work clothes. One of the columnists who worked for the local paper wrote about me and my business. The photo the paper took was excellent. There I was with bow and arrow with white satin wings and red tights.

The article talked about the life changes that led to my "life path".  

So what does that have to do with New Year's Eve?

New Years can be more than a gigantic party or a sit at home pity party. It is for a lot of people a time of reflection.  For many it's when you look back at your life and possibly say, "What the fcuk?"  and then promise yourself you'll change. For others, it's a time look back at the good and the bad of the previous year and decide what to bring to the new year and what to leave behind. And let's face it. The night can be an excuse to get down and get drunk. A great big excuse to act badly and then forget it. Kind of like Vegas.

A long time ago, I found myself at my parent's house sitting in bed with a bottle of wine and the radio. It wasn't my best day and I was feeling VERY sorry for myself. Then with great luck, diving inspiration and "Karma" said, "Why are you looking back and feeling sorry for yourself. You're too young. Write a list of all the thing that you've always wanted to do and then do it."

So I did.

I still have the list.

I'd have to go find it but if my memory is correct, the only three things that I haven't done on that list are:  see the Macy's Thanksgiving parade, learn to speak French, and celebrate NewYears in Times Square. Most of the things I did along time ago when I had the freedom to do so.  Some of the things that I've done have taken a long time (I'm looking at you sailboat). When Pup was growing up, there were things on that list that wasn't possible. I had responsibilities. New Years Eve and Thanksgiving only happen once a year. I did get the French books though.

I'd like to write here that I'll finally finish that list this year. It would be nice to write that this is the year that I'll learn French and book the hotel room for New Years and that Macy's parade. I'd like to  write that. Unfortunately the last 24 hours makes that look dicey.

If I had to predict what will happen in 2014, it would be something a bit less celebratory.

Last night, after telling myself and my parents all kinds of pretty stories about my relationship with WB, he told one of his own. I thought that it might have been the stress of work or the beer. Sometimes when it's been too much, we all say things that we wish we could put back in our mouths.  This morning it was still there and it wasn't the beer talking. He said the same thing only this time he was sober.

There's a lot that I've stopped doing in my life in order to be responsible. I've twisted my life and put the list I'd love to do away in the name of Responsibility.  Here in the twilight of winter, I see that day when I sat in the chair in the living room and said, "I don't want to continue this..." 

The difference is that I've learned how to come back to life...

List of things that I'm bring with me into the New Year.

1 Pup
2 The pups including the new dog
3 My church
4 volunteering at the church
5 (hopefully) volunteering at the animal shelter (I'm pretty good with dogs)
6 the sailboat
7 writing
8 hopefully a better relationship with my parents Lol last time when I sat in that chair and thought, "No more"? I went to my parents and asked if I could come visit. Life was tricky at the time. Mom always said that if I needed them I could come home. There I was in the den with Mom, Dad, Me and WB. WB was telling Mom he was okay if I came to visit them. She said no and sent me back. This weekend I told them and myself pretty stories about how everything was great. How lucky was I.
Guess that's one of the fiction stories I'm so great at telling. So as much as I hope that my parents and I will be great in 2014? She was so happy to have me somewhere else on Sunday that I'm guessing not. "Your family is with that church were you live."  No, Mom. My family? Is you and Dad and WB and my brother who you said was too busy to eat a Sunday meal with us. She's been pushing me away for my entire life and saying that it was my fault. It's not. Thing is that these people are my parents. They're supposed to be grown ups. They're the ones who were supposed to have been there.
Number 8? Before they die? I hope that I have a relationship where I'm sure that my parents actually want me around.
9 that list from a long time ago with other things added
10traveling. Part of my list was to travel I did.
11a phone call to one of the people on my previous list
12myself now. the one who would have been telling herself that it was all her fault. It's not.
13mycamera to record it
14my blogs to write about it
15the little flicker of life that was there that night on New Years. The little voice that said, "You can feel sorry for yourself or you can take control of your life and do something positive.
16My sanity and self worth and that other voice that says, "Toxic people aren't good for you. Go find the happy ones, the kind ones, and hope that they'll let you in."

There's more to this list.

From what I can tell WB's misery is of his own making. I wouldn't be surprised if he left.

As for 2014 and why I DON'T like Valentine's Day?

What does it have to do with New Years?

Because for a long time I've put that person. The one who loved her job. The one who got to make people happy? Has been locked in the box of Responsibility. Every New Year's day I let people put me there and then say terrible things about how lacking in this and that I was. I let them tell me that I was a fcuk up. Over and over and over.... 
I'm happy to say I'm not.
I'm happy.



Monday, December 30, 2013

Lawdy ya'll. It's happened again.  Dear Person from Russia Who is Reading My Blog.

. I am NOT making fun of the head of a country.
  I am NOT making fun of the head of a country
  I am NOT making fun of the head of a country.\
  I am NOT making fun of the head of a country...


I will not make fun of the head of another country...

I am however not blind.

I said it before and I'll say it again.  V Putin is a hunk.

.I will not make fun of the head of another country...



One way or the other.
Stray dog is definitely going to find his place "to be"

This is thanks to some really incredible people with very, very kind hearts.

I am so thankful to have met these people.

They have such kindness..

They've give their time to help others.

Such an optimistic thing to do.

Good people to know.

PS. Today, I got to make and eat lunch with my Mom, Dad, WB, and Pup. This coming week I get to bring order to chaos and spend time with Stray Dog and Pup. I'm really looking forward to it.

Happy rest of 2013.
Happy 2014



Golly, golly.

To say that the next couple of day will be busy is an understatement.

This past week has been about the pup. I don't mind because it was important. Now that he's (a bit more) settled, because today we spent with my folks, and because everything else was put on the back burner?  There are things to do.

Things like cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the kennels, exercising the pups, and washing the clothes that didn't get washed over the last couple of days. Honestly, I feel so much better about pup (and because I always feel much better with clean kennel, kitchens, and closets), I'm actually looking forward to sorting things in the house. Pups will help me with the pups. That will move things along. I'm also not going to have to cook for the next two days.  Have the shopping done for the New Years day meal so I'm not going to have to stop everything to go to the grocery.  The place that I'm volunteering at isn't open this week.

 Only thing to do now is concentrate on bringing order to chaos.

Whistle while you work...

By the by our menu for New Years day is kind of old school southern.

Baked ham

Black eyed peas

Collard Greens

Sweet Potatoes

Turnip roots

Cornbread Dressing

Fruit salad

Green Salad with Ranch Dressing

Cranberry sauce

Sweet honey mustard

Sweet Gherkins


Green onions

Martin's hot vegetable relish


Sweet Tea

Key Lime Pie

I know that this sounds like a lot of food for three people but it's not. 

A little of everything a lot of some.

Lots of collards

A little of the cornbread dressing


Enough for left overs.

Since we didn't cook for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I'm looking forward to New Years.

Happy New Year.


WB, Pup, me, and all the dogs here at Casa 12dots.