. "... A guy walked up to me and said, "I'm going to tell you a joke because I find you physically attractive." I'm like , "What are you talkin--" when he interupts. "No, I'm not a pervert. I just want to sleep with you but I heard you tell a friend that you're only interested in guys with a sense of humor. Thought I'd cut to the chase. So the joke is 'Two guys walk into a ba-" Which is when I turned around and walked far, far, away. ...." From something I wrote but can't finish because the dogs, uh the dogs, are wanting to go out for walks and I still haven't put on my pants. Going, going, gone until all here is walked, feed, and has lap time. Then? I'm gonna take a bath and a nap. Talk to me. ."
C Anne Ford, Feb 8, 2012 09:24 AM in comments of this blog.
"Oddly enough, I'm not mad at the dog for making 'poopy' on the floor. I'm mad because I stepped in said 'poopy' at the exact minute that I had to 'pee'.
All I could think about was, 'Lift lid, lift lid again because it's a crap lid, pull down pants, sit down, and do not - do not put your left foot on the floor because that squishy feeling on the bottom of your show is 'doggy poop' ".
10:30 Wakeup Call
C anne ford
Someone, who I've know for years, told me that to use the phrase, "I've seen you 'naked'.", was crude.
So I'm making him a character and putting him the above situation.
"I've seen you ' naked '." phrase indicating how well you know a person. You don't have to have actually seen the person naked. It's "naked" not naked. Actually it's "I've seen you "nekkid". Which here in the Deep South is probably the way you say it.
Nooooo it's probably more like,
"Don't be trying to pull that stuff on me? Bless your heart, honey, I've seen you "nekkid"."
LOL finally got the dog poopy off my shoe.
Good mercy, I need a conversation like a drug addict needs a fix. Oh and Paula Dean has Type 2 Diabetes.
I usually reference this particular scene when talking about love and interpersonal relationships. Sure the idea of every morning waking up to someone who's hanging on my every word would annoy. I have two dogs who sleep with me and trust me when I tell you that when that much "enthusiasm" wakes you up in the morning?
But the idea that each person has a situation that makes them happy isn't annoying.
For most of our lives we settle because we're told that it's just the reality of life. I don't think it is. You may not be able to order up Mr. Perfect but you can know yourself so that if he did show up on your door step?
You'd recognize him.
And the little things do matter.
I don't want the boundless attention of someone every morning.
I do want someone to actually like me.
I don't hate Valentine's Day.
I just dread it.
All those flowers.
All those people in lurve.
If you aren't in a relationship?
This stuff can make you feel like the biggest loser on the planet.
I'm tired of making the best of it.
I really and truly am.
I'm not going out an celebrating my unique self on the 14th.
I'd like someone to send me flowers because they care not because according to the "check list of love" it's expected.
I'd like someone to care.
Life is interesting when you're with someone who gives a damm. The world's not so big and scary. No matter how dark the night?
There's some lovely window with a light on and some person that gives a dam if you come home.
Best advice that I ever got was from my Mom and Dad.
"Do not look for trouble. It's looking for you so why should you help?"
"To make money you should have more coming in that outgoing."
"If you are worried? Clean something. Plant something. Go for a walk. Do not sit and fret. That way no matter what happens? You'll at least have something productive to show for your time."
"If the club you belong to has it's hand out for money but not for friendship?
There better be a very good reason why you're paying the dues. "
"Business? Is business."
"Married is married."
If a man tells you he's not the kind of man you should go out with? You might want to believe him."
And from my PawPaw?
"A man worth his keep will come to your house, get out of the car, go up to the door, introduce himself to your parents, hold the door open for you, open the car door for you, own the car you're about to drive off in, take you out into the world, bring you back at a decent hour, and then respectfully kiss you good night.
That man is a keeper.
He'll also get to bed early because he has a job.
A man who'll drive up to your house in a car he doesn't own, honk the horn, yell out the window, "hurry up", take you to a low dive bar, take you to some place in the middle of nowhere, bring you back home late and leave you to walk your own self to the door?
That man is headed for trouble.
Not for you."
"Having something constructive to do with your day even if you have the money to sit?
Is a good idea. Keeps you out of trouble."
"Do as I say, not as I do. I was young once. Learn from my mistakes."
"I'm in my 70's and here I am digging up a shrub by it's roots. Yes, I do have the money. Yes, I could hire someone. This? Let's me know -- who am I kidding."
"A rogue can make you laugh.
An earnest man can make you laugh.
Of the two?
The better bet is the earnest man."
"I married for sex and love. I stayed for the biscuits and gravey."
"If you have the faith of a mustard seed? You can move mountains."
"There is a big difference between being polite and being a doormat."
"When someone looks at you with glittery eyes, promises you the moon, and then smiles? Might want to wonder what they want."
My addition to the list.
"Long or short best not to waste the breath that you're given."
"Life is best experienced with a sense of humor. Just as easy to laugh your troubles away as to cry. "
"In life you ride many roads and live many lives. Breathe deep the laughter and pain."
"In life? There's always a new tomorrow. Keep calm and carry on."
I think that a right good paragraph or three would be in order. Pages of paragraphs, I say, lovely paragraphs detailing the times, good or bad, about the life of his right honorable Charles Dickens. Lovely tales detailing the life and times of all around him. Verbal portraits that entertain and , yes, educate. For are we not better having read the tale of little Tiny Tim. Are we not, each Christmas, reminded of the true meaning of Christmas? Are we not reminded to be kind to each other and not be a "Scrooge" to others?
And what about cultural differences and the luck we have having not been born to France during the French Revolution?
For today, (thanks Google), we are reminded that it is that dear man, author Charles Dickens' birthday. Today and everyday this year there are plans to celebrate his great tallent and the fact that he got paid by the word.
So stop your griping English Lit Class. Charles Dickens isn't your nemisis. Ah no, from what I've seen? He should be your patron saint. Expecially when a 300 word essay begins,
"Charles Dickens was a very, very,very, very, very, very important author from that jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly, jolly. (still have another 280 words to go better add another "jolly") jolly olde England...."
A bit of history relevant to the month of February 2012.
"...The first documentation of this practice dates back to 1288, when Scotland supposedly passed a law that allowed women to propose marriage to the man of their choice in that year. Tradition states they also made it law that any man who declined a proposal in a leap year must pay a fine. The fine could range from a kiss to payment for a silk dress or a pair of gloves..."
Finally are reason not to go into my VD hurricane hole.
Now then. If I ask as many men as possible to marry on February 29th and they decline? I could ask for a fine from each person who declines.
Hmmmm thinking, thinking, thinking...
I know, I could ask one of those guys in Australia. They're cute.
I am a writer.
I have that on good authority from an actual publisher. The kind that produce really good books. They said it but I already knew it.
I am a disinherited, sometimes broke, wanna be writer and poet.
For almost three years, I spent mornings happily writing in my blog (avg views/month 8,000). Life was good. Then the blog landlords "pulled the plug" and "vamoose" no more blog.
Now I write. I live my life with dogs in the middle of a forest (kind of) and I Blog