How lucky am I.

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Dear Pup,



Because of you I became at once fierce and calm.

They thought you'd get here before the doctor got did. The night before you're father and I drove like very careful maniacs trying our best to get back to the hospital. The day before we had to talk like it was the most rational decision to go home and feed Smokie. We weren't stupid. We could here the doc saying that you'd come pretty quick. I don't know why but we knew it would be okay.

You're like the eye of a huricane sometimes. Calm in the middle of the storm.

LOL I think that your dad was in a panic by the time we got there. What were we thinking? 70 miles to the doctor. 70 miles back to get Smokie. Then 70 miles back in a race to get back to the hospital before you came out. I can remember telling the receptionist that I thought that I might be in labor but wasn't sure.

So calm.

All night I sat and talked to the delivery nurse. She told me about her life. There's calm in that. If you're troubles are too big? Go ask someone to tell you about their life. Find someone who might have sense or who'd survived their life's sorrows, and ask them to tell you about it. Make sure that it's someone who needs someone to listen. They'll be so glad and you might have a different perspective on your own troubles.

Don't forget to hug their neck too.


Love,

Mom


"It was hot and they were sitting outside of the fast food place. Tired. Dirty. The two of them. I asked them if they needed something to eat. I wasn't the best of people to them. When we went inside the manager tried to throw them out. One of the customers standing in line came to their rescue. There was almost a fight because they'd been inside already and been thrown out. We got the food and went back outside into the heat. Late summer. It was "gawdawful" hot.

That's when I saw the miracle of a hug. I just hugged the lady. She began to cry. Told me "Thank you." even after what had happened. People are inside little kids. They keep it safe inside them, sometimes behind vast walls and barbed wire. Safe that little flame of hope. The stuff you have when you are born.

Hope and the ability to love."


9-21-10

Ann


Love. Keep it safe by giving it freely.


Hugs.




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Dear Pup..

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The things you think about when you are young? They aren't the same as when you grow old. Today we talked about your future. I so admire you tenacity. I love your strength. I talked and I talked trying to get you to say something. Your future. I want so bad for you to find something that makes you happy. Then I could use every bit of my strenght to help you get there.


I wrote 12 dogs as a way to find my future and make some sense of the past. I didn't plan to, I just leaped from that chair in the living room. I'd said the words, "I don't want to be anymore. Then I quickly changed my mind. Lucky me. Slowly I began to find that path you are looking for. It took me so long to do so and so much time wasted. That's why I'm so fierce now for you. Time. You think when you are young you have so much. You do.

If for some terrible reason we loose each other, you can always find me in that maze, 12 dogs and a blot. You're smart. You'll find a time when you need a distraction and you are looking for a shoulder to lean on. For an ephemeral moment you'll find this home within me to find comfort. It's a puzzle. There will be times when you will curse me for that.

But

In the struggle to put 12 dogs back together? You will find me. You will find the peace that you need. I want to be there too.


It's not my job.




It's who I am.

I love you.

I always will.

You've become not only my son but you've become my friend.


Hugs,

Mom


When you were two, I gave you a book. Winnie the Pooh. It's inscribed. I meant it then and I mean it now.

You really are a good story.

Best memory? The day you read all by yourself.

The proudest accomplishment? Teaching you how to read.

The best advice?

Honey, sometimes you just have to slog through and count your blessings no matter how small they might seem at the time. A bad day is just that. One day. There'll be a good next day. Remember that.







Wait one more day.
Count to 10.
Go for a 15 minute walk.
Say you're sorry.
If you love them and you get so upset you want to let go of their hand? Ask why.

A good nights sleep is a blessing.

You'll do just fine.

All words fail?
Hugs will be enough.


You are such a person. :D









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