Thursday, August 5, 2010

It's dark.


"Love doesn't come with a contract..."

I'm sitting in the dark.

No, I'm not some creepy weird Internet stalker person. At least the folks I know don't think I am. If you were here you'd hear the sound of crunching. Or maybe munching. I'm eatting taco shells. I do that when I can't sleep and I'm worried.

I find something crunchy and I eat it.

Celery or taco shells, it has to have that cruchy sound thing or it's no go. At this moment there's a gallon of really good ice cream and chocolate sauce in the fridge but not interested. Nope. I'm eatting the taco shells and crunching.

In less than 24 hours I'll be in a restaurant looking cross the table at the longest "relationship" in my life. Next to my parents. We'll be on what should be a date type celebration. I've picked out what to wear and how my hair will look. The car is vacumed and the reservations were made two weeks ago. It's a nice restaurant. All organic and foody with a good wine list. I don't drink so the wine list is wasted on me but the food looks good.

Yet here I sit munching. It's a sign that something isn't right. I should be happy and I"m not.


Treadmills and romance.

I was watching the LLS, when the subject of treadmills as an anniversary gift came up. Romance is such a tricky thing. I wrote about it. About how Valentine's Day doesn't have to be roses. Sometimes it a cactus. Alot of romance is expectation or maybe it's surprise. Dunno. I do know that it has to do with the person. A treadmill could be a very romantic gift or it could be a disaster even for the most pragmatic of person. I honestly don't know. If you look in my jewelry box there's a pair of earrings that I got for Christmas. It was a gift that was chosen with care from a person who was trying their best to give a lovely surprise. I still haven't worn them. They're beautiful but honestly I don't know this woman who is supposed to wear them. While the jewelry I wear is simple these earrings are not. So there they sit. Unworn. Waiting for the imaginary woman that they were bought for.



I really and truly want to laugh for my anniversary. And a hug. I'd like a hug for my anniversary. And to have my car detailed. Or a new forestay for the boat. Not earrings or this dinner out. That would be romantic.

You see romance isn't about the cost of the gift it's about the thought.

Paying attention.

This dinner is my idea but I don't think that I've been paying attention.

Neither have they.

That's why I'm up and crunching tacos. I'm very worried that neither of us have been paying attention and we're about to give each other "treadmills".

Very expensive treadmills.

This world is so complicated, if you aren't paying attention even roses can end up looking like a 'treadmill" on the heart.

I'm really worried.



It should be simple.

But for me?

It's as complicated as trying to stand up right after life's spun you around so fast and hard that just standing still is mystery.

What I do know:

I love God.

I love my son.

I love my pups,

I love my sailboat,

I love my truck,

I love to listen to country music,

I love sitting in the yard after working in it,

I love being on the hammock looking up at the trees at night, in the summer when it's cooler and everything is crickets and tree frogs,

(as crazy as it is) I love to watch that little show in the middle of the night,

and I love?

in moderation of course. LOL

It's hard to explain but that's really where I'd like to celebrate.

On the water with someone who thinks that's a really good idea.

But not in a hurricane or a flood. Just sayin'...




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