Thursday, June 23, 2011

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Hi ya.

If you read 12dots you know that I've been trying a bit of an experiment. For the last month, I've kind of thrown out the list of those things "to do" in favor of an "already done" list of accomplishments. In 31 days I've finally started doing the things that are important to me instead of the list of "expecteds". I can do that now. It's been a bit like closing my eyes and jumping into life.  In the past 31 days the list of things done has grown much faster than I'd thought. The decisions that I make now are quicker and much clearer than before this experiment. LOL, I value my time more than I did before. While it's a bit of an adjustment for some family members, Pups prospered from it and has been adding to his own "already accomplished" list.



I thought that I might write online about it as I did over the last month, however,  Pup's asked me for my help and - well - there are only so many hours in a day. I'm not sure that I can record the process and do it at the same time. At first, I thought that I might just for go writing on the blog all together but then I thought of Twitter. By it's very nature, Twitter is designed to be short comments on the month, the week, the day, or the minute's event.  I can write longer posts on the blog but I can keep a kind of outline of the process much easier on Twitter.  This will allow me to actually live my life and help Pup with what he'd like to do and still write about it.

That's what I intend to do.

Just like writing a daily haiku would allow me to write daily but still be involved in a very active life process, the Twitter entries will allow me to write about my life and still actually live it. I might even use the Tweets to communicate with WB and Pup. (Note: I doubt if WB would be interested but Pup might. Pup's interest would be half the process and double our fun.)

Please note that I'll still be writing here in the comments.  THIS ISN"T AN INACTIVE BLOG>>>

Well that's pretty much what's up. Still will do the Zen moments in this blog but I meant what I wrote in the previous blog post about a change in course but still the same way point.

Hugs,

AuthorAnn

PS  I recommend the Give Your Stress A Rest/Zen Experiment.  The moments of quiet introspection aren't  selfish. On the contrary, life is so "loud" that the responsibilities can drowned out your own voice.  Make sure that what you chose is moral and legal and considers your family but don't let that "to do" list that they give you to do overwhelm who you are.

Hugs.

Notes from the field are on Twitter unless noted. I'm not leaving just taking a very welcome chance to spend time with Pup, the farm, and the boat.  That is a very good thing.

And Newt? I wonder at what you must think at my use of the words Zen?

Good and kind thoughts. Hugs.

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Pup?
Such a thing is love of the person who is so many ways has defined, confined and yet liberated me.
It's not easy but watching you has made me believe in miracles.
I love you kiddo.

Mom
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57 comments:

  1. While I'm gone, I'm hoping to write (on paper) InterActiveBlogStories on paper. Will post them on line for September.

    As the song says, "See you in September."

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  2. look for Zen moments on this post.

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  3. Day 32 of Zen.

    Day 2 of No More Sisyphus

    You know something.
    There are some nice people in this world.

    There really are.

    Step one?

    Don't give up.

    Step two?

    Appreciate the nice people in this world.

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    Now then Step3

    Pup has fun.

    Yay.

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  4. The journey of a life begins with the first step.

    Actually the second

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in59qI5xP5g


    I really do wish that I could describe the thing in my head. The visula. The video actually. There's a fanfair and a flourish. There's even a tickertape parade of "fairwells" and "good fortunes". The hero, me, walks tout to the big unknown, pauses only to look over their shoulder to wave one final goodbye, and then ---

    Theres the sound of a record scratching and a great big WTF.

    It's not the first step of an adventure that get's ya. Nope. It's the second one. The one where, after all the hype? You've gotta go out into the world and do "something".

    Just saying.

    Welcome to Zen day -dunno- I think it's day 33 and Day 3 of No More Sisyphus in which I'm supposed to slay dragons and write good prose but instead clean out the chicken house and - finally- make the boat motor stand.

    And I get to go whollup people with swords.

    tee hee.


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  5. You know I like this last entry so much that I'm going to call it the first paragraph of a book.

    The Book of Quests by C Anne Ford

    6-25-11

    all rights reserved by the author

    Chapter One

    In which I - the hero - take the second step.

    Ouch.

    The journey of a life begins with the first step.

    Actually the second

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in59qI5xP5g


    I really do wish that I could describe the thing in my head. The visula. The video actually. There's a fanfair and a flourish. There's even a tickertape parade of "fairwells" and "good fortunes". The hero, me, walks tout to the big unknown, pauses only to look over their shoulder to wave one final goodbye, and then ---

    Theres the sound of a record scratching and a great big WTF.

    It's not the first step of an adventure that get's ya. Nope. It's the second one. The one where, after all the hype? You've gotta go out into the world and do "something".

    Just saying.

    Welcome to Zen day -dunno- I think it's day 33 and Day 3 of No More Sisyphus in which I'm supposed to slay dragons and write good prose but instead clean out the chicken house and - finally- make the boat motor stand.

    And I get to go whollup people with swords.

    tee hee.


    Lots of words in chapters inserted here.

    Chapter One (plus however many more there are before I get to the last chapter inserteed here.


    And all the brave knights who dared to step out into the unknown and face the dragons both real and metaphorical bowed their heads in quiet reflection. There's had been a quest of exceptional valor. Not for money or for fame did they take this pathe,

    No.

    For them the honor lay in ushering - (nope that's not the right word) - uh- feck it there's a word but can't remember it right now. For lack of that word lets use "guiding" a young knight through the oft peroulous (sp) journey from child to man.


    Not the End.

    .

    So I could use a publisher and an agen because the last time I spent 3 years writing a book? I got my "voice" but no pay check.

    Apparently that "paychec" is important.

    Expecially to the phone compamy.

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  6. Crap


    "...Their's..."

    not

    "...There's..."


    Note to self. Fix the typos. Learn to spell. Get spell check.

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  7. Zen moment Day33 - no - check that - Zen moments Day 34 No More Sisyphus Day 4

    Chapter one plus what ever many chapters get you to this point.

    It's the chapter in which you find out you actually have to get out in the world and do something.

    There is a kind of vertigo when you step out to accomplish some life changing goal and realize that you have to actually do something. It's exactly like vertigo in real life. You can get dizzy because when you look down at your feet? The solid ground of family and home isn't there. Instead you are looking into the murky fog of the unknown. The future. Your future.

    It's scarey.

    I'd like to tell you that everything will be fine. That the world will be rosey and there'll be no conflicts what so ever.

    So I will.

    (LOL bet you thought I'd be all cautionary and full of warnings that life isn't always fun and sometimes it doesn't always work out.)

    Heck no.

    That would just scare you and make you all kinds of jaded.



    Instead?

    I'll tell you this -

    That first step where you get all dizzy from the power over your own self? This isn't the first time you've felt and over come it. When you were born? In those first seconds where you left the safety and warm hazey days spent in the womb? You got your first experience with being unleashed on the world. From the soft dark you are literally squeezed out into a really bright light where your first thought should be, "These people need a good interior decorator."

    That's when you first feel it.

    That sudden shock that you could fail and you screem your very first "WTF."


    That's the Zen moment of humanity.

    Gather up your courage. Find some nice person with a warm blankie and a bottle of something to quell the queezy in your stomach, and then?

    Pay attention.

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  8. Zen moment Day - just look up at the last commet


    I'm sitting here trying my best to writing things for Pup. Trying to writing the words that will guide him through his life. Pup in the mean time is pestering me to use the computer.

    His exact words, " I want to go online so that I can look up something on eBay."

    It would seem that while I'm busy trying to tell him how to live his life? He's busy trying to live it.

    Zen moments. Gotta love 'em.

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  9. Now here's a scary thought.

    In the past week someone viewed my blog on an IPad. Must have been an accidental tourist. Can't imagine that anyone who cold afford an IPad would actually be reading this blog.

    Then again maybe they liked reading it and will come back.

    If so?

    Hello and welcome to 12 dots.

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  10. Zen Day 36 No More Sisyphus Day 5

    Zen Moment Reading List.

    1984 by George Orwell

    LOL Noooooooo. Sigh. It's not really the Zen Reading List. That on is the biography about Beryl Markham pilot. The Orwell is actually a "going to college" type reading list. One of thow books every one should have read before going. I've been looking at the books that a college freshman should have read. The Prince by Machiavelli? Are you kidding me? Where's the Watership Down? Last I checked we had a Liberal in the White House.

    Personally I miss the kid lit. Wind and The Willows. Beatrix Potter. Around the World in Eighty Days. LOL and not because they had pictures either. I loved them because even if flawed (see Toad in The Wind and the Willows) they were lovable. I know the world can be tough. Heck, I've lived in it. The thing is that even if life can be like living in the heat of the sun in the desert? If you can find some shade? Wouldn't you chose that cool place over the boiling sun?

    The children's books and stories don't paint the world without uncomfortable, they just make sure that with the sun that there is also some shade and c big old glass of sweet tea.


    That said the reading list is still 1984 with Orwell. I'm treating it as a history lesson in context. I'm hearing that Animal Farm and Brave New World are next. Then? Then I'm going to go sit in a lovely and cool library and get to know another Ann. Lucy Maud, I'm glad that you wrote it all down.

    Happy Reading.

    AuthorAnn

    PS

    While sometimes life is conquered in gread broad swoops, it's many times the small moves that have the greatest impact. This morning at 2am was thinking about what we hear yesterday. The Zen of fencing isn't the clanging and clashing of brute strength (although in the right situation it cculdn't hurt), nope, the Zen of fencing is in about a 36 space and an 8 inch one. It's the quick fick of a wrist that can make the difference between loss and survival.

    The point.

    Also I may have the chickens almost sussed out. Will know by tonight.

    Hugs.

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  11. The errors above are typos. Honest. I'm in a hurry.

    Typos and lack of time to proof read.


    Oh Oh guess what. I have tomatoes. Actual home grown tomatoes. Not sure how this happened but they actually taste good.

    Ei ei oooooohhhhh yeah.

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  12. Hey, guess what. I've got people from France reading my blog today. It's either 8 people from France reading 12 dots or one person from France reading it 8 times but either way.

    Heeeellllloooo French people.

    LOL One of the poat was about running over a rattlesnake with the car. I'm not sure what they must think of me or Southerners in generral after reading about the snake but since I didn't see anyone reading the post where I write that I'm a writer, a fiction writer, I'm not optomistic.

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  13. "...posts..." not "...poats..."

    I. Am. Not. Going. To. Wear. Glasses. If. I. Can. Help. It.

    You are just going to have to deal with the typos.

    I don't have time to deal with it.

    :D

    ?

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  14. Lokk it's not like I'm tb's Craig Ferguson and can tock glasses. He puts them on and looks all librarian gorgeous. I put them on and look all bookish.



    . Movie note. Watched Dan in Real Life.

    Too bad that you aren't here to wacch it with me and then we could chat about it.

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  15. "...rock..." not "...tock.." although I might use that now

    Tock the glasses.

    King of like rock the casbah? Maybe? Alittle?

    Going out side now.

    Turning off the computer......


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  16. So many typos.

    So little time.

    LOL but at least I spelled...

    Nevermind.

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  17. Day 37 Day 6

    That would be Zen then No More Sisyphus incase you're wondering.

    Zen thing?

    Somedays you just have to accept that there are wrinkles and then do something so that they aren't as bad as they could be.

    And be glad for the new people.

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  18. So I'm there in bed, my eyes just openning and the sun streaming in. It's all good until through the blur I hear an almost imperceptible sound and then smell a horrible smell. Have no idea where it could have come from until I turn my head to see Domi's butt right next to my face. Every other part of her covered up except? Her rear. She's farted.

    That's how my day started. How was your day?

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  19. Day38 Day 7 Zen vs No More Sisyphus

    Well I discovered that I have a sense of humor. It's a good thing to have. Comes in handy.

    Curds and wayyyy to many biscuits for breakfast.

    No real schedule except for one thing; Pup and my time is up to us for a bit. I'm looking forward to it. Still only the "Already Done" list to worry with. Feels like Summer.

    There's a movie coming out next year. It's about a girl and kind of wish. I'm looking forward with a hint of dread to seeing it. I hope that the people who make it don't fuck it up. The story? It's a "good" one if you judge it by the standards of a good story. It might even be a good story as I hope at it's heart it is. The only problem that I see so far is that it's got all this "Scot" testosterone in it. I'll bet even the grannies are Type A personalities. I'm going to read Ferdinan The Bull before and after I see it.
    Just sayin'

    Off to feed the chickens then dunno.


    .
    LOL In a nod to the estrogen in the family, I went out and bought some "smell'em good" stuff. It's supposed to calm my hands to make them soft. The added bonus? It smells good.

    I'm hoping that the animals here will approve.

    Ciao,


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    Ann

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  20. Didn't see The LLS last night but hope to see it tonight. Maybe take an early nap so that I can stay up to watch but also get up early tomorrow.

    That's the PS...

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  21. If the "Scot" testosterone in the movie Brave is as fierce as the Irish testosterone I've known in real life.

    Hmmm.

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  22. Things I never really appreciated about life...

    I really and truly love to have my hair brushed before going to bed...

    (notice that it's before "...going to bed..." and not "...going to sleep..." :)


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  23. Man the time is just flying ...

    Day 39 Day 8

    Today, I hear that I'm supposed to be "vivified" by someone that I'm thinking about alot.

    Let's see.

    I'm thinking alot about helping Pup do his thing that he wants to do this summer.

    LOL, Doubt that's who they were talking about but it works for me...

    Pffffstt. :P

    Honest to mercy give it up.

    Thanks!

    Zen moment. Well it's always a good day being around Pup AND I moved my car last night. This was a very good thing as we had a storm and a limb fell right where my car was yesterday.

    It was a very big limb...

    Hurricane? Ah heck no.

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  24. And yes, the chickens had a very cozy night in their temporary home. The outside home is all better as I fixed it this morning.

    Now hugs and let's go do something.

    Ann.

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  25. Sigh One more thing. I missed the Neil Gaiman interview on the LLS because I was very sleepy and because I needed to get up EARLY to see about the chicken's house.

    We had a storm with wind, lots of rain, and lightening. Just didn't have the luxury of watching.

    Bummer because I was really looking forward to seeing the interview.

    Happens.

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  26. And hello to the other person who is reading my blog at the moment. Howdy.

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  27. Day 40 Day 9

    Okay, I'll say it. I may not know him and it's kind of weird to say this but the man, when he seems to want to be, is quite fetching.

    There, I said it so if we could get with the rest of the day (or in my case get some sleep)

    He is fine. He is funny, He's more than likely full of himself. Sometimes I think he swims in a whole 'n0there atmosphere.

    Good night.

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  28. He's also more than likely a horses ass which is why he's waaaaaaaayyyyyy over there and I'm not.

    LOL.

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  29. "This book meanders like a babbling brook.

    And it's not a happy one."


    Day41 Day10

    I'm reading a book. I should have known when someone asked me, "What's it about?" And I had to think about it that I might end up in the middle of reading thinking,"Why am I bothering?" It didn't start out that way. Even up until last night when I took it to the movies with WB and Pup and I was sitting there in the middle of Transformers wondering if the author would actually allow the main characters, mother and daughter, both out on the same blind date, be stood up.

    She did.

    And not just in any entertaining way. They were dumped as a kind of foot note to the food. Fake food. Fake malted shakes at a healthfood maltshop. It looks real but there's no sugar sweet high or satisfaction at all.

    Kind of like the book.

    I fast forwarded to the try and find a climax.

    There wasn't one.

    I looked for a moral.

    The only one I could find wasn't written by the author but was a viseral reaction by this reader.

    "This book is like a babbling brook. It's not a happy one."

    LOL

    I won't tell you the name of author or book. I will tell you that it's NOT Neil Gaiman. I will also tell you that I bought it for one dollar at a book store. I wondered how a book with such a cheerful cover full of "chicklit" promise could have ended up in the bargain stack.

    Now I know.


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  30. "This book meanders like a babbling brook.

    And it's not a happy one."


    Day41 Day10

    I'm reading a book. I should have known when someone asked me, "What's it about?" And all I could come up with was "Life in an advertising office cubicle." that I might end up in the middle of reading wondering why I bothering. It didn't start out that way. Even up until last night, when I took it to the movies with WB and Pup and I was sitting there in the middle of Transformers wondering if the author would actually allow the main characters, mother and daughter, both out on the same blind date, to be stood up? I thought that maybe there'd be something worth reading.

    There wasn't. She never got to the point.


    Did the mother and daughter get stood up?

    Yes, but not in any entertaining way.

    They were dumped as a kind of foot note to the food. Fake food. Fake malted shakes at a healthfood maltshop. It looks real but there's no sugar sweet high or satisfaction at all.

    Kind of like the book.

    I fast forwarded to the try and find a climax.

    There wasn't one.

    I looked for a moral.

    The only one I could find wasn't written by the author but was a viseral reaction by this reader.

    "This book is like a babbling brook. It's not a happy one."

    LOL

    I won't tell you the name of author or book. I will tell you that it's NOT Neil Gaiman. I will also tell you that I bought it for one dollar at a book store. I wondered how a book with such a cheerful cover full of "chicklit" promise could have ended up in the bargain stack.

    Now I know.


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  31. "This book meanders like a babbling brook.

    And it's not a happy one."


    Day41 Day10

    I'm reading this book. I should have known when someone asked me, "What's it about?" And all I could come up with was "Life in an advertising cubicle." that I might end up in the middle of reading wondering why I bothering. It didn't start out that way. Even up until last night, when I took it to the movies with WB and Pup and I was sitting there in the middle of Transformers wondering if the author would actually allow the main characters, mother and daughter, both out on the same blind date, to be stood up? I thought that maybe there'd be something worth reading.

    There wasn't. She never got to the point because frankly, I'm not sure that there was one.


    Did the mother and daughter get stood up?

    Yes, but not in any entertaining way.

    They were dumped as a kind of foot note to the food. Fake food. Fake malted shakes at a healthfood maltshop. It looks real but there's no sugar sweet high or satisfaction at all.

    Kind of like the book.

    I thought, no I hoped, that the fake food was some kind of metaphor or cultural reference but it wasn't.

    I fast forwarded to the try and find a climax.

    There wasn't one.

    I looked for a moral.

    The only one I could find wasn't written by the author but was a viseral reaction by this reader.

    "This book is like a babbling brook. It's not a happy one."

    LOL

    I won't tell you the name of author nor the title of the book. I will tell you that it's NOT Neil Gaiman. I will also tell you that I bought it for one dollar at a book store. When I bought it, I wondered how a book with such a cheerful cover full of "chicklit" promise could have ended up in the bargain stack.

    Now I know.

    .

    Good morning and happy holiday weekend. I had a fight with WB last night. We were in the grocery store, all three of us, when WB went off with the grocery buggy and I waited while Pup went to the rest room. As I was waiting, there was man waiting on his female companion while she did same. WB was not to be bothered. I'm kind of used to this and for many years have thought he was being effiencent. Now I know that's not true. Anyway I mention the man waiting because it got me to thinking about courtesy and the kind of relationship I'd wanted. I realized watching this fella as he stood there that it wasn't courtesy what WB was doing. It's not that I'd want someone to hold my purse while I wee weed. LOL I'm a big girl I don't need hand holding. But there was something kind of nice this guy waiting. After Pup came out of the restroom we went to find WB. We couldn't find him anywhere. With our arms full of hotdog buns and mustard for today's meal we walked down every row. No WB.

    Then we saw him walking back into the store.

    Seems he'd bought what he thought we needed, checked out, paid for, and left us without a word. If I hadn't had the keys to the car, I'm not sure what would have happened next.

    I thought about that man waiting for that woman outside of the restroom and then I looked at WB.

    I thought of the letters I found all those years ago. Letter's to a woman who he said he loved. I thought about the letters he'd sent to me. No "I love you" in my letters. More like letters you'd send to your sis. Then? I thought about the letter that said that she'd dumped him. It was dated right before he came BACK to see me. Only 9 months after he'd dumped me for her. I was his rebound.

    I should have known.

    .

    This is 12 dots and a blot.
    It's a writer's journal.
    Fact and fiction co exist here.
    If you don't know which is which?
    Don't ASSume.
    Ask.

    LOL if I had a wish, besides world peace and a good (as defined by us) life for my son and for myself? LOL...

    Got to go feed the animals .

    Ann

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  32. .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMdbWQ-_O-k&feature=related


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  33. Zen day, I have no idea at the moment. The sun is shining and I don't have time to figure it out. Have to ponder the odds of more rain so I can decide if it's okay to put the chickens back in their outside encloser and then take a bath. I smell like wet dog and really and truly don't want to have to take another shower. Have to put the chickens out first if it's going to be sunny and I can finally take that shower.

    Zen moment?

    Rolling with what life gives you and finding the funny in it.

    Dear Newt and Lexi. Are you out there? I really miss hearing how ya'll are doing. Get's me to forget how I'm doing.

    Hugs from me and all the criters animal and humam.

    Love.

    Ann.

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  34. "and truly don't want to have to take another shower..."


    DO want to take a shower

    LOL I do want to take a shower. I just don't want to take one and then have to get all grimey again fishing wet chickens out of their outside encloser if it rains again.

    Sign. I think my brain is now soggy.

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  35. .

    Sun is out.

    No one comments on my blog.

    Think I'll stop writing for a bit, sort the chickens, and then take a shower.

    Because I really am looking forward to this shower.

    Later gators


    Ann

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  36. "I am woman hear me roar in numbers to big to ignore - "

    Hi ya.

    Billy Jean King is out trying to get old folks active. If you have no idea who she is or you only know her from a woman's studies class (do they still have those?) you might want to try alittle more to find out.

    Well Emmie is still an inside dog but only for the moment. Same for the chickens.

    Today's Zen moment is ? I don't know yet. I'm kind of cranky at the moment. Usually I read a book or take a nap but it's not working so far. The movie was okay. I'm marginally better than yesterday but that only means that there's not a cold in my future. I could use a hug and some attention but I'm not holding my breath. Guess I'm supposed to get a clue that no one will and that if I want a hug I'll have to give it to myself which kind of isn't the point of a hug. I think that I'm still needed some sleep.

    I'm getting kind of discouraged.

    Introspective.

    I really do need that hug.

    Ann

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  37. For more about Emmie and the Chickens go here http://12dotsandablot.blogspot.com/2011/07/blog-post_05.html

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  38. Or for Tweets?

    www.twitter.com/GoatHerderBoy


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  39. I don't think that the LLS with tv's Craig Ferguson's definition of new show is the same as other late night shows.

    I'm thinking that it's been in the can for a long time. Nothing real time. Otherwise how would they miss the Florida verdict or any of the other things that are happening daily.

    And I'm tired of the double entendres.

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  40. .

    I think that I'll no longer be watching TV's Craig Ferguson.

    I have watched the show since he first auditioned 6 years ago. Through the tea for two and the sound machine and the puppets and the email jingles and now Geoff, I've watched and either agreed with or hid from the trials of the world. I've even hung in there while he was "phoning it in" or whining about his circumstances.

    The whining got old but still it was entertaining but now I just don't care for the bland and banal that is now the LLS.

    So I'm going to do something different. After six years I'm not going to watch.

    Hugs tb's Craig Ferguson where ever you maybe. I'll tune in when there's a guest who I'm interested in but no more watching nightly.

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  41. .

    Work hard.
    Play hard.
    Dream big.
    Never give up.

    And always hug the ones you love.


    Zen.

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  42. "Bless me Father for I have ..."

    So okay I missed a few days recording the Zen momments.

    Lemmie see what I can do

    Not in any particular order.

    The Zen/Give Your Stress A Rest/ No More Sisyphus thing works. Big time. I've done more, have clearer goals, and am actually doing things that have value. So it's good.

    I love Pup.

    I've told WB what I've been doing. Showed him what I've been doing.

    I think he gets it.

    Got the chickens sorted. (Kinda)

    I've done the steps to build my shed.

    I really do need a barn.

    I'm happy productive and now when I'm not I have an idea why and how to proceed.

    It's good even when I fuck up.

    The Slacker Chronicals? My name is Irony.

    LOL

    Hope the day is a good one.

    Ann

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  43. Note

    "...I've done the steps to build my shed...."


    should read

    "...I've done the steps so I'm ready to build my shed..."

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  44. Today's Zen moment. I'm not sure what day but the date is July 15, 2011.

    Watching the video of Craig Ferguson giving Rose Byrne a lap dance, I was impressed a what a good dancer he must be. Was wondering if he still took movent classes or if running was enough to keep him agile.

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  45. lol. And you thought I'd say something about the sexuality of the moment. Nah. I'm one of those people who actually reads the articles.

    I'm on a quest for a higher state of being so well all that bump and grind is just choreographed dance movement.

    :)

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  46. You know the Zen moments are coming early.

    Zen moment. Looking at the future and having to come to terms with the fact that NO ONE cares.

    I think it's called the sound of sillence or maybe the sound of one hald clapping but I don't think that it's the sound of a duet or a symphony.

    Boy am I feeling like th Lone Ranger.

    Most of my Zen moments have been happy events or discoveries but this one just leaves me sad.

    Maybe that's the point. Moving through the sad inorder to appreciate the happy.

    Nah. That's just the optimist talking.

    Gloom.

    I'm a firm believer that having something to do while the rest of the world doesn't care if you are alive or not or care what the heck you do or don't do is like an emotional life raft.

    I'm okay. Actually I'm more used to alone. Having anyone that even notices if I'm breathing is actually a novelty. No worries. I just keep my head down, put on the music, and find some hard work to do. LOL Comes from when I would say that I was bored or unhappy and my folks would say, "Now if you're unhappy or bored? We can find something for you to do." which usually meant work. LOL You might be bored out of your mind but in my family I can guarantee that you soon learn to keep it to yourself.

    LOL

    Ahahahaha.

    .
    This Zen moment sucks.

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  47. .

    ARgh.

    "... one hand clapping..."

    not

    "... one hald clapping..."


    :{

    .

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  48. .

    WB is busy looking at boats and talking to people who have boats. Big boats. And he's traveling and staying in great places and meeting people.

    He hates to travel.

    And he's not rah rah about any boats.

    Meanwhile?

    I love to travel.

    I love boats.

    What is wrong here is that he's doing this and complaining and I'm having to hear about it.

    I'd like to think this is because he wants me to think he's miserable because he's traveling and having fun and we're not.

    I wish that he'd shut up about the whole thing. I'm tired of hearing about this restaurant or that marina while I'm busy sitting here. Tomorrow he'll show up, suitcase full of dirty clothes dumped in the hamper and complaining about how much he did. I'll sit there like one of those bobble headded dolls. Head bobbing in time to his story. I'll try to tell him about what's happened hear and he'll be faining listening and reading his Blackberry or what he's missed in the news. I could read and give commentary all bright eyed but I'm not sure that I want to. It doesn't seem honest.

    I do have a life too it just seems to go in the other direction.

    hmmm

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  49. "... here..." not "...hear..." crap

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  50. Things that I don't usually tell people.

    I'm celibate. For over 10 years now. Sucks because I'm not disinterested. Everytime I start to privately think about sex this image comes to mind and byebye sex. Not thrilled about getting older because, as a woman, the idea of having sex as I get older seems more remote. There are all these beautiful you women who don't have a bit of trouble going out with older guys and all these older guys who thinks that it's great. I can't imagine that anyone would even want to take me out on a date little lone actually kiss --- ah heck. Gloom.

    "Leroy boy is that you..."

    I never realized this part of aging. Where the heck did the sexuality of my youth go anyway? I know it was there somewhere and now it's just. Blech.

    Where's the female Vigara and do NOT tell me about the virtues of dating younger guys because I'm not interested. I'm really not.

    Blech.

    Blech.

    Blech.

    Fantasy suck too. I've tried the Walter Mitty approach. Blech. Online is creepy.

    Nnpe.

    LOl I have pride. I'm taking it for a ride.

    Bye bye. Bye bye, my baby. Bye bye.

    Do old women have sex and what is old.

    Pup told me that people over 50 are old. I told him that if that was true then why were they increasing the age that I could collect Social Security to age 67. I'm asking for my Social Security at 50 if I'm old and it's time to retire from life. Either call me young at 50 or give me my frickin social security.

    Seriously.

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  51. Keep your head down and work.

    Keep your head down and work.

    Keep your head down and work.

    Keep your head down --

    Then you wake up and there's nothing there.

    This really and truly sucks.

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  52. LOL I think I'll take up a hobby like recreational drinking. That way I at least have fun with lack of oxygen to the brain.

    Does she have Alzheimers?

    Nah, she's just drunk.

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  53. Hello from the future. Summer was good. Fall was good. Winter was tough. Spring better. Finally read one or two poems from thet writer's attic. I think that they're good. Really good. Not a big fan of reading them in public. It feels conceited. Would rather write and let other folks read it. Found a place where local poets meet and a nice person who makes it happen.

    Good to know.

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  54. Hi ya. Just checking in.

    Dogs sorted. Newt to me wheels sorted. Calender on the wall to keep me organixed.

    Lots' done.

    More that I'd like to do.

    .

    AA

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