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"....It's like rain on your wedding day."

Dear David,

After much time and much reflection on the past 10 years I finally know in my heart that it just wasn't my fault..

It really wasn't.

Dear SB,

You may seem like a nice guy but frankly you're the biggest baby I've ever seen in my life.

I don't even miss you.

The ONLY reason why I'm writing you is to say that I hope that you NEVER get married to anyone.

No one could be so horrid as to deserve a life time with you.


For the record?  You had nothing to do with my learning to sail. Nothing.

Dear folks,

You are so right. Being a mom has taught me alot.

It's taught me to hug people when they're hurt.

It's taught me to say the words, "I love you."

Alot.

It's taught me that your friends are your friends and the rest are not.

It's taught me that there are some things in life that are just too important to walk away from.

Pup taught me that.

You guys on the other hand taught me that being so "In love and involved with each other" to the point were it makes your kids feel like the odd person out.

Is stupid.

And yet I still worry that you guys are okay.

Being a mom taught me that.

Dear WB,

.WB, WB, WB.

I woke up this morning and you were already gone and perhaps even "gone".

I've been around you a long time WB. I've seen you in some pretty bad straights but even I didn't think you had this in you. It's taken along time for me to get what I should have seen that day when you showed up again. Guess it's just the optimist in me to believe that if I build my house on sand, God and the hurricanes will leave it be. It's taken me along time to see why I'm so facinated with the concept of "Irony".

Even though I could see it coming, I never really understoon why it took you so long. I guess that's the biggest of the Irony. You see, I thought that you loved me.  I thought that it was my fault.  "Just too much of a fuck up for anyone to love. WB is a saint. for living with you." Mom would say. Who knew that she was so bitter about her own life.  Who knew that for years I would actaully believe her.

Sitting here now I realize that you didn't really care. Turns out you are more like my mom than you thought. You both wear your "hairshirts" as a badge of honor. Like old angry people who've let the "just not my faults" of life make you bitter. You both sit and wait. Plot your revenge. Then when that moment of vulnerable comes your way, you try to squash it.  I can see staying for love but why stay for revenge when you could have just removed them and  then found love.

And what the hell are you getting revenge for anyway?

Sorry but it just isn't my fault.

Yep, "life has a funny way of helping you out..."



People the problem is that for all the times I've heard that I'm selfish and self absorbed?  It was from people who were more self absorbed than I could ever be. Sitting there waiting to make me hurt instead of walking out into the world and enjoying life isn't a good life plan.  There's a very old saying that I think is actually in The Bible.  Something about if you go into a town and they don't want you? Don't hang around trying to make them pay for it. Instead? Knock the dirt of that town off your feet and then leave.  Otherwise you'll miss some people who do.  WB didn't teach me this.  My folks didn't either. Nor did SB or David.  LOL Even my Dad of all people didn't teach me that.

But he did teach me one important thing. It took him years and near death to learn it himself.

It's very important to tell someone that you love them. 

And everyone can use a hug.


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I don't have to teach Pup. He taught me. 

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Laugh Out Loud,

Hugs,

Day 12's Zen moment?

Have the courage to be yourself.


Have the courage to not give up.

It's a big world. Someone out there is waiting for you. 

Enjoy the process.

Ann

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