Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I'd like to get something up front.
Ya'll are waaaaay to obvious and you've got no style. I could write better.
Now for the day's cud chew.
There was only one person (besides Pup) who I reacted to immediately. He's dead. While I am sure that there are really talented people in the world. Billy? Was my friend. We both recognized that. You don't make that happen. Even if it was a "manufactured relationship"? I have put up a filter since then. It's a good thing. If you want to be my bestest bud? I'll need two forms of ID, a back ground check, and a note from your priest or preacher before I let you or ANYONE get that close. Not only that, but I really do like eating my lunch in peace.
I have tried to avoid conflict with my family by moving as far away from them as possible and still be able to live my life. It's how my extended family handles their inability to get along. At least that is what I thought. Now I find that we live a very controversial and colorful life that they make up. I don't even begin to live this life. My aunt is upset over my son. My dad and brother are upset over what my mom said I did when in fact it wasn't possible to do. Not one of them came to me and asked what was up. It's like being cyber bullied only there's no computer involved. Just phones. And old people with really sharp "teeth". I grew up with them or rather I survived being around them. Even now, they bite really, really, hard. I've seen then fight each other. Sometimes being disinherited and living out here in the middle of nowhere is a good thing. Peace.
No more being a dumpster for folks emotional problems. Those are their problems. I'm not even around them.
And now they're trying to drag Pup into it.
Lol. I have to laugh because it's so stupid. I've been trying to find someone who cares. I've been trying to find family. I thought I found a church family. I even thought I found another church where I could work and help people in need. I don't even need a church to go to Heaven. I just like going to church. Instead? All I'm finding is a kind of free range world for people with lots of emotional insecurities; emotional insecurities that they want to make my fault. I should carry around a pen and note pad. Write this stuff down. I could become a modern day William Faulkner.
So I'm going to write. I'm thinking of writing a book or maybe a play
I'm still not entirely sure but I'm close to certain that?
At least there's nothing to indicate that their around. I figured that if they were related to adsense and if I went private? They'd have to log in to view the blog and that they wouldn't. Neither would any other weirdness.
And for any of the alphabet security folks who, because of vampirestat, may be viewing this blog? I'm boring. I have a great imagination but in real life? I'm boring. Apparently? From what I've been told here? I'm so boring I could put people to sleep by breathing. Even more? I've always been boring. At least that's what I've heard. The great thing is that I have a great imagination. It keeps me company.
(This blog isn't a manifesto. I'm just doing what writer's do. Writing stuff down. It's not a diary either. It's just a place with a word processor and access to the Internet. I can look things up while I write.)
Sigh I told WB that we could skip all the Valentine's Day stuff. He's delighted. I also bought a bunch of candy at the dollar store. There are only a few pieces of chocolate in each box. When I get blue about the fact that no one really wants to know me in a romantic way? I open a box, throw the chocolate into the garbage (it's not good for me and honestly it tastes awful), and I write a story about a secret admirer who sends me a box of really good chocolates every day until Valentine's Day. On VD, he sends me flowers. I saw some beautiful tulips. I'm thinking of buying them as well. "Oh flowers! How lovely." The truth is that I've always lived a kind of cloistered life when it comes to relationships. I've gotten used to being the friend, the acquaintance, or just the good old girl. I should write old fashioned romance novels and sell them online. Filled with intrigue and the romance that I hoped for but haven't found.
There's a great scene in the movie Romancing the Stone. Kathleen Turner's character finishes her latest novel and celebrates by feeding her cat a can of BumbleBee tuna. All the action and passion in here novels were the events that didn't happen in her real life.
That's me. And now thanks to the BS from here and my family? I'm just growing less interested in going through the stuff inorder to find out if the other the other person is lying when they say, "Hey I like you. Wanna be friends?" . I am truly a nice person. I'd love to have romance in my life. No one is interested. They think that I am boring and ugly. They just want to yell at me or blame me for their stuff. So seriously, if you have anyone to look at? Go look at them and then send in a straight, good looking, fun to be around person.
I could use the cheering up.
Haven't heard from the publisher. I'm thinking it went in the dumpster. Sad. The publisher is a nice man. He probably just thought that what I wrote was horrid and didn't want to hurt my feelings. I dread seeing him. Not for the rejection but for the uncomfortable look on his face.