Almost that time of year again. Time for the semi annual letter to Santa. As I explained to you in the last letter, I have been one good person this year. I have been kind, true, and almost good enough to be a Boy Scout. That is why I don't feel too bad sending this letter.
Santa, as you remember from my last letter, one of my wishes for Christmas, in addition to things like world peace and a new jib sail, was that (use-to-be) Sailing Buddy could be sent some where other than here. At first I thought that you'd already done this when I heard that he would indeed be traveling clear across the country. "Sure it won't be until this summer," I thought " but heck I can hang in there if it means that (use-to-be) Sailing Buddy was finally in a place that he could sail, be happily Liberal, and not do it in the same US state as I am." Oh hap-py, hap-py day!
Then I found out he was only going to be gone for two weeks. WTF???
So I am writing you another letter because I can see that you might have misunderstood.
I would like for (use-to-be) Sailing Buddy to go else where so that he can find true love and I can FINALLY enjoy sail club. He is not going to find a sugar mama here.
Here is the stronghold of Red State Conservative Republicans. Here even the women own shotguns and they know how to shoot vermin. Where we live, they will think that (use-t0-be) Sailing Buddy is a low life like a possum.
Exhibit A: a photo of what Sailing Buddy looks like to women in this state:
There's just not a fighting chance for him to find the kind of woman that (use-to-be) Sailing Buddy is looking for. That's why hearing that you were sending him to Minnesota was such good news. If (Use-to-be) Sailing Buddy is gonna' hunt "deer", he's gotta go to where the "deer" are. I hear that the women in Minnesota have great legs and money, the two attributes that (use-to-be) Sailing Buddy finds mighty attractive in a women.
(Use-to-be) Sailing Buddy isn't getting any younger and he wants to be a kept man. If he's to find that long legged, Sugar Mama that he thinks he deserves, he better get going to Minnesota NOW.
And he's going to need your help.
So please, Santa, number 10 on my Christmas List this year? (Use-to-be) Sailing Buddy goes to Minnesota, gets a job, gets a life, and lives that life in a state far, far, away from here.
Now for number 1 -9 on the Christmas wish list....(TBC)