"I don't want to - I don't know how to grow old.", I'd said it out loud. Hadn't meant to and didn't realize that I had but I did. Jack looked round so I know it was out loud.
"Well then don't. You don't have to."
He looked at me and then got up and left the room.
I've had this hard knot of inevitability in my stomach ever since. He didn't mean it like it sounds. Just like I didn't. We were both just thinking and the words came out into the world where folks could hear them.
It's a rough situation this. There aren't any rules or cheerfully helpful hints on how to do it well. Just the facts and a brutal silence.
2 September, 2010